Over the last few weeks I have not been feeling like the best mom in the world..... yes, I do have some pretty amazing days where I think perhaps I may be the best mom in the world but then the next day arrives and I am deeply humbled by something that occurs. Whether it's one of my kids throwing themselves on the ground in a temper tantrum in public, or L teaching a smaller kid some of her bad habits, or L asking loudly "Is that a man or a woman?" in the grocery store, whatever it is, I never feel like a super mom for very long. Over the past few weeks L has been going through a "phase", as us mothers like to call it. She went from being a pretty good listener to not listening at all. Not only does she not listen, but she has learned the art of talking back. If you know me at all you will know that nothing gets me angrier than a kid talking back to me. Whether it happens in a classroom with someone elses kid or whether it happens at home with my own kid, it makes me livid. My first reaction is to put them promptly in their place however, this is usually not the best course of action with a small child. So, my approach with L has been to simply pick her up, place her in her bedroom and calmly tell her that if she cannot talk nicely and be a good listener then she cannot play with the rest of the family. This sometimes works and she stays in her room and comes out a while later calm and collected and begins listening pretty well. Other times, this results in a full out temper tantrum where I have to stand in the hallway holding her door shut for over half an hour. Sigh. In addition to all of this my sweet little boy is beginning to have moments where he is not so sweet. He has discovered temper tantrums..... hmmm, I wonder where he learned those? The nice thing is that he knows what he wants which is a pretty good quality to have and I'm hoping that once he has some words and is able to actually communicate through more then just gestures and screams then the temper may fizzle out a little. Hope.
We seem to be slowly emerging from this "phase" but even through it there have been many moments when I think, "Ok, maybe we are doing something right". When L sees a car accident she immediatley asks if she can pray for the people in the cars. When we are at the grocery store she often suggests that we should buy some extra to give to someone who doesn't have any food to eat. When she goes to the playgound and encounters another little girl she says, "Hi, my name is L. Do you want to play with me?" And then there is T. He is always ready for a giggle. If one of us starts laughing, he will join right in. When he climbs onto the dining room table without me seeing he grins from ear to ear when I find him. When he finally gets ahold of the computer mouse, after trying all day long, he smiles proudly and hands it back over to me without being asked.
So, maybe I'm not the world's best mom........ ok, I'll admit that I am definately not the world's best mom...... but I am trying to be the best mom I can be. Some days are great, some are awful. My kids know I am not perfect but they also know that I love them, that I am not afraid to say sorry when I mess up, and that I need God's help, grace, and mercy every single day. I got some wonderful advice from a book I read recently called
Making Children Mind Without Loosing Yours by Kevin Leman. He talks about the importance of having real prayer time with your kids. He encourages parents to let their kids hear them ask God for help with their weaknesses. Every night L hears me pray, "God, help Mommy to know how to love and teach L and T. When I do things that are wrong help me to know how to make them right. Help me love them like you love do. Give Mommy wisdom and patience because I cannot be a good mommy without you. Amen."
I mean every word of that prayer.
