This has been quite the month!

Oh my.  Do you ever have those days where you sit down and the end of it and wonder how you are still sane?  Have you ever had an entire week like that?  How about a month?  Something strange has happened in our house since the beginning of August and I am going to blame it on my good friend Laura who had the nerve to, not only get married, but to have a super fun wedding.  I know that sounds strange but I'm only half joking.  I am SUPER excited for my good friend who just married a man she has been waiting for 30 years to meet but somehow our family got swept up in the excitement a little more than we realised.  My hubby and I were both very honoured to be asked to be in the bridal party and L could not have been any more excited about being a flower girl.  We all looked forward to the day for months and the week leading up to the wedding was busy and lots of fun as we met and spent time with the rest of the bridal party and all the out of town relatives that we have heard so much about but had not had the chance to meet before that week.  The bride and groom did an amazing job of entertaining the out of town guests (our family may have been the one exception to the "out of town" part) and giving everyone a chance to hang out and become friends.  Seriously, us bridesmaids had so much fun that we have considered having a reunion.  The wedding day was very laid back and exciting.  I loved walking down the aisle to my husband (who would have thought I would get the chance to do that again??) and I beamed as L bravely walked down the aisle, took one step onto the stage, and fell right on her face only to pop up and excitedly say, "I did it!!".  I loved watching her smile for the camera and twirl around in the grassy field with the bride.  I loved how my mom picked her up from the pictures so that the rest of the bridal party could continue on without a board little flower girl.  I loved being dressed up and fancy alongside my handsome husband.  I loved chatting with friends and dancing for hours.  I loved going home with my husband to an empty house (the kids were sleeping over at my sisters house!!) and I loved waking up to the sound of the birds instead of the sound of a crying baby.  I loved it all. 

Photo by Jennifer Lee (she was amazing!)

That's when things got tough.  After that day I had to pick up my kids, clean up my house, do the laundry, go grocery shopping, cook meals, discipline children, deal with poopy underwear, and the list goes on and on.  Now, before I go on, I really do love my life.  I love being a mom.  I love being able to stay home with my kids and on most days I really don't mind the day to day chores but after having a night of "freedom" I realised that perhaps my life had become too much about my kids and my house.  Somewhere in all my blessings I had actually lost something.  Myself.  I realised that if I wasn't a mom, I didn't know who I was.  I will always be my kids' mom.  I consider it an honour and a privilege and I will forever be grateful for those two little ones.  I love playing with them, I love the sleepy look on their faces first thing in the morning, I love watching them discover new things, I love listening to the funny things L observes throughout her day and I look forward to all the discoveries I will make with them in the years to come.  I love being a mom..... but sometimes, I feel like I miss being me.  At first I thought theses were just selfish feelings but as I thought about them some more I realised that God created Nancy.  He didn't create L and T's mom, he didn't create the preschool fundraiser, he didn't create the WM coordinator..... he created Nancy.  I may do those other things but I do them because God created me with the skills and abilities to do them and I choose to do those things but I am not defined by those things.  I am defined by a creator who does not make mistakes.  I am made by a God who has all wisdom and all knowledge.  When he created me he looked at me and thought "it is good".  So, I have decided that, starting now, in the midst of my busy but blessed life, I am going to take some time to be Nancy.  And, I've decided that is not a selfish thing to do.