Overwhelmed Much?

I never want to complain about my kids.  I am blessed to have all three of those beautiful little miracles but..... just because I'm thankful for them doesn't mean that life suddenly becomes easy.  Today is what I call a "drowning day".  This was one of those days where I feel like no matter how hard I try I cannot seem to keep up with life or accomplish anything. My "to do" list feels endless.  This is not a list of projects I would like to do, these are things that I have to do. Things like grocery shopping, washing the peed on sheets, emptying the Diaper Genie before we all throw up from the smell.  Oh, and laundry.  Now I'm not talking washing clothes and then folding them nicely and putting them away.  I'm simply talking about getting them clean in a heap at the bottom of the basement stairs.  At least we have clean clothes.... good luck finding your outfit in that heap..... and don't look at me if it desperately needs ironing.  Seriously, next time you are with any one of my family members take a look at our clothes.  Guaranteed we will be wearing something wrinkled.  I am not proud of this.  I am not proud of the fact that most of them time our laundry does get folded is because my mom was over watching the kids and she folded it for me.  My kids already know the drill when I tell them Grandma is coming over.  We go into code red cleaning mode.  My daughter will run around the house putting things away saying, "we have to clean up before Grandma gets here otherwise she'll have to clean the whole time she's here!"  I will admit, while hanging my head low, that sometimes when I know my mom is coming I'll drop a few things off my endless "to do" list because I know that she will help me out by doing them without me even asking.  Does that make me a bad daughter? Sigh. Some weeks I don't even care if it does because, truth be told, I am exhausted about 98% of the time.  I don't think my hubby or myself have had more than five hours a sleep per night for the last few weeks.... and, no, those five hours are not in a row.  They are broken up between one kid who can't sleep because they are coughing, one kid who has peed the bed, one who is teething and screaming, one who had a bad dream, one who is too hot and then one who is thirsty.  I know what you are thinking, "you only have three kids and you just listed six different reasons that they wake up at night".  Rest assured, all six of these things can easily come up in one night.  And, on those really frustrating nights, they all come from one kid.  Does anyone out there know what it feels like to wake up feeling well rested?  If so, can you just explain it to me?  I think the mere description might be enough to get me through a day.  I can vaguely remember lazy Saturday mornings when I slept until my body ached because it had been laying down too long.  My body still aches now when I wake up but that's because I did a bazillion squats just getting in and out of bed and then pulled a few muscles trying to cuddle in a small bed with a squirming kid and then topped it all off with whacking my head of the bunk bed while trying to sneak back to my bed.  Oh ya, and the sound of my scull impacting the hard wooden bed (why didn't we buy one made of particle board!) woke the kid up.  Commence fitting into a small bed with a squirming kid.  Sigh.

My hubby and I are celebrating our 10th anniversary next month and we are celebrating by dumping the kids at grandma's house (ha ha ha ha ha *see paragraph above to understand laughter) and staying at a hotel for the night.  We were able to get an early check-in at the hotel.  I don't know about you but in my younger years I always imagined checking into a hotel with my husband and ripping each others clothes off the moment we arrived (sorry if you're reading this mom..... and my husband's mom.....) but when we found out we could get an early check-in we were both excited because we could take an afternoon nap!  And, no, nap is not code for anything.  We just want a few hours of totally uninterrupted sleep so that one of us doesn't fall asleep during dinner.  Isn't that romantic?

I think that pretty much sums up this sleep deprived rant.... plus I can hear another kid waking up coughing.  Kids are wonderful and they really truly are a blessing but if you are raising some and you find yourself feeling a little overwhelmed and sleep deprived like me, you are not alone.  Let us moms unite as we daily take up our battle with our cups of coffee as our sword.  We will win this battle and one day we will realized that we are drinking less coffee and getting more sleep and that our kids have turned into strong, independent, confident, smart and compassionate adults because we never gave up.  Never give up.  Next time you run into a friend who's a mom give her a hug and buy her a cup of coffee and remind her that she is not alone.  Remind her that there a millions of us all over the world who feel just like her.  And remind her to look her little miracles in the eye and remember that it's all worth it. 

A Mother's Day Lesson

So, yesterday was Mother's Day.  Year after year when I imagine Mother's Day I think it will be my day to kick back, relax, sit in my lawn chair and drink coffee all day.  After six years you would think that I wouldn't let my imagination get the better of me.  I am still a mom on Mother's Day.  My husband does a wonderful job trying to take care of everything for me so that I can relax but there will still always be a little finger poking me in the face at 6:30AM asking me to open the present she made for me at school.  And, there will still be the baby who will not fall asleep for his nap unless mommy is there to give him a final kiss before closing his eyes.  And, there will always be that little boy who truly believes with all his heart that a mud pie and a handful of dirty weeds is a the best way to tell his mommy that he loves her.  I guess I will relax when they are all teenagers and simply grunt at me to say "Happy Mother's Day".

Having said all that, I did have a really special moment this year.  We were at church in the morning and the baby will not sleep in my arms anymore so grouchy him and I spent the morning in the foyer.  During that morning I found myself sitting beside a friend who had come to Canada from China in January to study.  This Sunday morning she was holding her beautiful two year old girl who had just now arrived from China after being separated by an ocean for over four months.  As I was sitting with her my baby boy was fussing and would not drink him bottle.  Then along came a friend from Nigeria who popped her sweet four month old boy on my lap and took my fussy baby and convinced him to drink his bottle.  As we were all sitting on that bench in the foyer I had to smile.  Three different nationalities from three different parts of the world.  We all grew up in different countries, speaking different languages, with different upbringings.  But here we sat with our kids scattered in each others arms.  We were all moms.  We were all raising our children differently with different cultures and languages but as we sat there and chatted it didn't matter.  There is something about children that brings people together.  Maybe it's their funny expressions, their clumsy movements, or their adorable little noises.  I think maybe it's how they smile at anyone who smiles at them.  They meet a new baby and they don't care if that baby is bottle fed or breast fed.  They could care less what foods they were introduced to first.  They don't care what brand of diaper the other baby is wearing and they certainly don't care if their outfit is from Walmart or The Gap.  They don't care if that baby is long and skinny or short and chunky.  They will pat that other baby's head and smile whether their hair is long and thick or shiny and bald.  They will giggle together when one of them falls down and giggle even harder when the other one falls on top.  They will sit and drool all over themselves and not care what the other one thinks.  Maybe babies bring us together because they will smile at us just because we are there.  They will love us regardless of what we look.  They don't compare us to one another or judge us for our faults.  I always thought I had some growing up to do but maybe I have some lessons to learn from the baby I assumed I was supposed to be teaching.  Maybe, from time to time, this mommy needs to remember to see the world through her baby's eyes.

The Lasts of the Firsts

Tonight my baby boy fell asleep in my arms.  I sat there snuggling him and thinking about the past few weeks.  I'm sure he is growing up exponentially faster than his older sister and brother.  Last week we took him out of his baby car seat because one more week of him in that thing would have sent me to physiotherapy for arm and neck strains.  Now that baby seat is sitting in my laundry room.  It looks lonely.  For the past five and a half years it has been transporting our babies places or sitting in the crawl space anticipating the next arrival.  I remember the day we bought it and brought it home.  I carried it around the house pretending that the baby in my belly was sitting all snuggled up in that seat.  When L arrived I was so excited to strap her into it and take her home.  My hubby walked tall and proud out of the hospital carrying his new baby girl.  We argued over who got to carry it into church the first Sunday after L was born because we were both so proud to show her off.  These same situations happened two more times.  And now, the last baby is growing up and that car seat is no longer needed.  I know it seem ridiculous to feel so sentimental about a car seat but I am slowly realizing that certain phases of our life are finishing and will be gone forever.  I am so amazingly blessed that I got to tell my hubby that I was pregnant three times.  Then I got to feel three little people rolling, kicking and dancing inside of me.  Then we got to meet those little people for the first time.  Three times we got to bring a baby home.  Three times I got to snuggle a newborn that smelled like baby soap and Pampers.  Three times I got to see a baby smile for the first time, sit for the first time, stand for the first time.  There are so many precious memories of my babies firsts that are now memories of the last time we will see those things.  It's bittersweet really.  We are content with our family of five and we are looking forward to new and exciting stages of life but it's a little bit hard to let some of the "firsts" go.  I hope I remember to take the time to be in the moment.  To take the time to really remember what it felt like, smelled like, sounded like.  If I could give any advice to other moms it would be to stop.  Just stop.  Think about where you are.  You are the only person in the world who gets to be the mommy to that baby who just laid eyes on you for the first time.  You are the only person in the world who gets to be mommy to that baby that just smiled at you for the first time.  Do we really understand what that means?  This is where it all happens and this is the stuff that at the end of our lives we are going to care about.  This is life.  

So, tonight as I snuggled my baby boy I realize how big he was in my arms and then I realized that soon he will be even bigger.  So, I sat there.  I just held him in my arms and I felt his warm little body and listened to his quiet little breaths.  At that moment I was the only person in the world who got to snuggle that little boy.  This is life and I'm not going to take it for granted.

Life is Like a Leaky Faucet

I've had a few people ask me lately if I'm still writing my blog.  I always plan on writing but, truth be told, I haven't felt super inspired lately.  When I started this blog I wanted to encourage people either by having something uplifting to say or by sharing my struggles so that others who feel the same way know they are not alone.  I suppose this post may be the latter.  Lately I've been feeling a little overwhelmed with life but I didn't realized it until very recently.  There have been times over the years when life feels out of control or so busy that I can barely keep up but that's not what has been going on.  Maybe it's just the long winter or maybe it's learning to juggle three kids but life has been feeling a bit like a leaky faucet.  Nothing overwhelming has happened lately.  Nothing crazy or stressful has come up.  No new changes are facing us.  But day by day little things start adding up.  

A couple of months ago we had a leaky faucet in our guest bathtub.  I didn't think much of it until one day my hubby put the plug in the drain and the next morning there were several inches of water in the tub.  I had no idea how much water we were wasting until I took the time to notice.  Much is the same with life these days.  I didn't notice how much all the little things were adding up on me until I sat back and took stock of what life was like at this particular moment in time.  I have been going through the motions of life every day but it was all adding up. 

We fixed our bathtub faucet.  It was actually really easy. My hubby took the time to investigate what was wrong, go to the hardware store to buy the part, and replace the old worn out piece.  It took acknowledging that something wasn't working right and getting up and doing something about it.  I can't change my life and even if I could I'm positive that I wouldn't (ok, maybe I'd throw in a little extra cash for a winter vacation) but I can acknowledge that I'm a little overwhelmed and I can do something about it.  Ditch a few TV shows and get to bed earlier so I have more energy.  Make sure that I take the time to get out with friends who understand this stage of life I'm in.  Read a book that doesn't involve talking animated animals.  Find a way to stop the leaky faucet before the tub fills up and cracks.

The hot and cold are now reversed in our tub.  We have no idea why but we are used to it now so it isn't a problem.  Life is not rainbows, unicorns and marshmallows but we can make the best of it and with a good attitude the things that are not perfect will no longer be a problem.  In fact, it is often through our problems that we create our character. 
 
I'm not sure if any of that made sense but I feel better.  Now I've just got to figure out how the rattle in the front end of our mini van can be a life lesson.....

Let the Oatmeal Burn

This morning I was sitting on my comfy chair drinking my coffee when my three year old came up beside me and asked for a snuggle.  I scooped him up into my lap and he laid his little head on my shoulder.  We were snuggling for about a minute when I realized that the oatmeal on the stove was starting to bubble and I needed to stir it.  I was about to tell my little guy that I needed to put him down to go stir the oatmeal when I paused. So often I am running from one thing to the next.  My kids are so good to me and they easily come along with me as we run errands, grocery shop, clean the house, etc...  In fact they are so good I fear that I sometimes take them for granted.  I go about my busy life dragging the kids here and there, asking them to wait just a moment while I finish up one last email or while I respond to a text message.  They patiently wait which is a good virtue to teach my kids but do they spend more time waiting then they should?  I think they do.  It's time to ignore some things in life.  It's time to push distractions away when one of them asks to cuddle, or to play a game or for help with a drawing.  It's time to get rid of some things in life that make it so busy.  It's time to let the oatmeal burn because my little boy will not always want to snuggle with me on the big comfy chair.

This morning the oatmeal burned and I will gladly scrape the pot later.

It's Too Heavy

I was in the kitchen getting ready to make lunch when I heard my little boy in the family room huffing and puffing, "It's too heavy.  I can't carry it." I went into the room and found him trying to carry a box full of stuff that was way to heavy for him to carry.  I looked at him and said, "If it's too heavy, just put it down.  You don't have to carry it by yourself".

How many times have I heard those words in my life?  So often I find myself burdened with so much stuff.  Stressful days, tough situations with my kids, rough patches in marriage, baggage from my past, news of sickness in a good friend.  It seems like everyday more and more "stuff" is added to my box of life and sometimes it gets overwhelming trying to carry it all.  But just like I eased my son's burden by helping him carry his little box full of treasures, God is just standing by waiting for me to ask him to help carry my box of stuff.  I don't have to be supermom.  I don't have to carry the weight of the world and all the awful things that go on in it on my shoulders.  I can lay it at his feet and ask him to carry it for me.  His shoulders are big enough.  His love is strong enough.  All I have to do is ask.

After a few items were emptied out of my sons little box he picked it up and said, with great confidence, "It's not too heavy.  I can carry it now!"  Today I am going to empty a few things out of my box.  I am going to lay them at the feet of the one who is strong enough to carry them for me.  I am not called to be perfect.  I am called to be his child.  I am called to trust him.

If this doesn't make sense to you, ask me about it.  I'll be glad to share how you too can get rid of your heavy box.

The Year of 52 Blessings

Today on my way home from clearance sale shopping for next years snowsuits I went through the McDonalds drive through for a peppermint mocha.  I will admit that first sip made me feel a little sad.  Christmas really is over.  A week ago I was thrilled to pack up Christmas and get back to "normal" life but today as I was taking that pepperminty sip I suddenly felt a longing for the colorful lights, the adorned tree, and the excited shopping.  Now that I am home that feeling has certainly passed but I remember years past where I felt a very real sadness after the holiday season was over.  I'm sure I am not alone as January can be a very depressing month with the dark days and freezing cold.  But this year my little L and I decided that we were going to make 2014 into the year of 52 Blessings.  Every week we will be finding something that we can do to bless others.  This was our first week.  The challenge is finding things to do that are relatively easy to accomplish with three kids in tow and something that L can easily help with.  This week L decided to draw some pictures that we could mail to brighten someone's day.  L drew three lovely pictures and we mailed them to some of my great aunts and uncles and my grandma.  We wrote a little note that said we were thinking of them and hoped the picture brightened their day.  L is super excited to put them in the mailbox today after school and I must admit that seeing her excitement makes me feel pretty proud.  Looking forward to seeing what blessings we can come up with throughout the year.  Any suggestions?

Toy, Toys and More Toys!

My kids are blessed.  They have more toys then they know what to do with.  We try to make sure we are always giving some away as we get more for birthdays and Christmas but they seem to keep piling up.  I have a friend who is good at packing some of the toys away and rotating them on a regular basis.  I really like this idea but I struggled with how to do it.  I forget about the toys I pack away until the kids noticed them in the laundry room so then I take them out for the kids to play with and then never put any others away.  Sigh.  Then when I want to try to put some away again I struggle with which ones to put away.  The kiddos really do play with most of their toys.  When I notice a toy hasn't been played with in a while then I toss it in the donation bin and away it goes.  So, when it came time to figure out which toys to put away I couldn't make up my mind. 

Then Christmas happened.  My parents were very generous this year and gave L a beautiful (large) doll house and the boys got a train table.  Both great presents but I joked that they must be getting the hubby and I a house addition for Christmas.  Alas, no house addition was unwrapped and once the toys were put into our tiny basement toy room which also serves as a TV room and the home of my new treadmill (oooo, I'll have to blog about that soon.....), there was barely any room to walk.  And then it happened.  I went downstairs after the kids had been playing and I found toys everywhere.  It took forever to clean up and I thought to myself, "we waste so much time cleaning up toys!".  So, I came up with a plan.

I packed away all the toys.  Literally.  I put them all in storage bins and baskets (thank you Superstore for the coupon for free bins this week!) and I put them in the front of our crawlspace.  Every Sunday the kids get to go in and pick two things they would like to play with that week.  The rest stays in the crawlspace.  Every Sunday the kids can exchange their toys for different ones if they like.  We kept out the train table, doll house, books and teddy bears and a few odds and ends like some trucks for T and some Barbie dolls for L but it all fits in a few little fabric bins we can fit in our little cube self.  The rest is put away.  It feels SOOOO good.  The house seems less cluttered, the kids don't miss most of the toys, and we spend way less time cleaning up.  Now, lets see if we can really keep this up for the rest of the year ;)

The tea party, cookies, and cake set all have their own bins.

 

The little people are all grouped according to what set they belong to.

All the toys tucked away in the crawl space.

One of Those Days

Have you ever had one of those days that just beats you up?  Those days when your toddler seems to yell about everything.  Those days when your big kid does something to make you burst into tears and then giggles.  Those days when your baby doesn't want to nap or decides to wake up from his nap when you are in the middle of something you have been trying to get to for weeks. Those days when you cannot even go to the bathroom without someone coming in and asking you for something. Those days when you are trying to clean the house and it seems to be getting dirtier as you are working.  Those days when you realize that you have much to do and have no idea how you are going to get it done.  Those days when you feel like everyone's servant.  Those days when you are frustrated and take it out over the phone on your spouse who is at work and who really hasn't done anything wrong.  Those days when you realize you haven't been out without your kids for weeks.  Those days when you feel invisible.

I love being a mom.  I love being a wife.  I count it a huge blessing that I get to stay home with my kids.  But some days I feel like I have somehow lost myself.  On days like this there is only so much I can do about it.  I cannot leave and sit peacefully at Starbucks by myself.  I cannot ignore the needs of the three little people living in my house.  I cannot demand that my husband come home from work and help me.  The only thing I can do is pick myself off the floor, wipe the tears away, take a big breath, say a prayer of desperation, and keep going.  I'll keep going because, even though I feel like I have lost myself, one thing I have not lost is the freedom to choose happiness in moments that otherwise can be overwhelming.  I can do it.  And, if you ever find yourself in a moment like this, you can do it too.

Epic Christmas Fail

I had this fantastic idea to make a gingerbread nativity with the kids this year.  I bought a cookie cutter set that included a star, wise men, shepherds, Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus, a manger, an angel, and some animals.  I was super excited about it.  I stayed up late last night making all the cookies plus pieces to construct a stable.  This afternoon I assembled the manger and it was a bit rickety but I made it work..... then the candy came.  There is a very good reason I am not an architect or an engineer.........



Notice my initial structural supports made out of wooden skewers....

Those supports did not hold.....

..... and the carnage :(

So, things definitely did not go as planned.  The whole stable collapsed (luckily L saved the baby Jesus) and in the chaos FAR TOO MUCH candy was consumed leading to a chaotic evening with children high on a sugar rush followed by the inevitable sugar crash.  But, I have to say it was all worth it.  I don't think we have laughed that hard in a long time.

We tried to still salvage the cookie characters but in hindsight some more thought should have gone into the candy purchasing.  It is now just a mass of red and green.  You probably cannot tell but the picture below is of Mary and Joseph beside baby Jesus with some animals to the left and two wise men on the right.  And, yes, the wise men are being held up by a blue plastic bowl.



Baby Jesus in his manger surrounded by smarties and various other red and green candy.

So, next time you buy a gingerbread kit at the store and wonder why the pieces are so rock hard that you cannot even bite into them, remember this epic gingerbread fail. 

Merry Christmas!

It Started With A Tree

I am amazed at how life changes once you have kids.  Every parents finds themselves rudely awakened to the practical parts of life that change like unpredictable nights, how much diapers cost, loosing the ability to be truly spontaneous.  I could go on and on and on but today I'm thinking about something a little different than just the obvious changes.  I'm thinking about those changes that occur so subtly that you don't even know they are happening until one day you stop and it all catches up to you.  This week I have had a few people over to our house for coffee.  I found myself no longer running around frantically trying to clean everything up before they arrived.  This house is where my family lives and this is what life looks like.  My bathrooms haven't been cleaned in longer than I am willing to admit, there are random puzzle pieces scattered around the floor, there is certainly a diaper laying in the hallway, and my bedroom is cluttered with laundry baskets that will (lets be honest) probably sit there until all the clothes are worn and have to be washed again.  Then there is the Christmas tree in the basement..... it cost $30 new.  Yep, imagine how that looks.  If you are imagining a short, spindly, sparse and very fake looking tree, you are indeed correct.  Not only that but there are colored lights on it!  I swore I would never EVER have colored lights in my house.  But, my little girl looked at me one day and asked why we didn't have any pretty colored lights.  Then she asked me if she could please help me decorate the tree.  We now have a spindly, multicolored, mismatched tree in the corner of our basement and you know what? I love it.  Don't get me wrong, I think it is super ugly however, when I look at that tree I don't think about how unappealing it is to the eye.  I think about the smile on my little girl's face when I plugged in the lights and all the colors filled her eyes.  This evening when I went to unplug that three I couldn't help but smile because when I saw it I was reminded that two little children I love more than life itself are the reason that tree is there.

Earlier today I was given a late birthday present.  I was given an afternoon by myself with some shopping money.  At first I was over the moon excited because, as much as I love my kids, I needed a bit of time to myself.  I went to a few stores and tried on some things but the more I shopped the more miserable I felt.  When I first got married we had two incomes so when we wanted something we just went out and bought it because the money was there.  Since we have had our three kids I no longer work and so we have to budget one income to cover the expenses of living in the city and having three kids.  Money has been tight and we often cannot go and purchase many of the things we would like to.  As a result, my wardrobe has been shrinking at a considerable rate and I was really excited for the opportunity to replenish it and maybe even feel in style for once.  As I walked though store after store I was over whelmed.  Do I buy some shoes or do I buy clothes?  Do I buy casual clothes since that's what I live in these days or am I only living in casual clothes because I do not have anything else?  My head was swimming and by the end of three hours I had one $12 item.  All of a sudden I just wanted to be home.  I got back in my vehicle and a few minutes later I walked in my front door.  As I walked in I heard my little boy excitedly yell that he was a jack-in-the-box and I saw my baby boy sitting comfortably on Grandma's lap.  I saw lego scattered on one side of the room and I saw books scattered on the coffee table.  I felt like I was exactly where I belonged.  I picked up my little boy and squeezed him tight and I realized that he didn't care what I was wearing..... in that moment neither did I.  I realize that this sounds like a very dramatic response to a simple shopping trip but I think it was simply God speaking to my heart to remind me what is important.  I think it was His way to help me find my way back to the blessings I often take for granted.  I will eventually go back to the mall and I will spend that money because, lets face it, I'm a girl and I do like nice shiny new clothes but that's not what I needed on this day. 

As I scroll through Facebook and look at all the pictures of people's beautifully decorated homes and yummy Christmas baking I am reminded that I don't have to feel inadequate when I compare myself to other people.  So, please, keep posting those lovely pictures because I enjoy getting a peak at your wonderful skills in the kitchen and I love being able to sneak a peak at your creative holiday traditions but this year is going to be a little different.  This year I will celebrate with you but I will not be trying to keep up to you because this year I will be sitting in the Christmas cookie-less colored glow of that Christmas tree counting my blessings because..... those blessings have changed me.

It's Tough Being a Parent

I doubt there is anyone in the world who wouldn't agree that being a parent is the toughest job in the world.  Everyday you need to learn and adapt.  It tests your patience and it calls out your selfishness.  There is never a moment that your child isn't on your mind and that alone is exhausting.  You have to fight with your mind to not think about all the things that could go wrong.  You have to trust that God is there to take care of your kids when you cannot.  Everyday you are asked questions that you have no idea how to answer but you have a little face staring at you waiting for the endless knowledge that you are supposed to have.  On the bad days you find yourself holding your child wondering if it is time to take them to the hospital and on the worst days you find yourself holding them wondering if what they faced that day will haunt them for years to come.  Sometimes it is stressful figuring out what type of first aid to administer to the latest boo boo and sometimes it is terrify trying to explain why those kids laughed at them and broke their little heart.  Then there are the moments when you have to explain things like pain, abuse, and death to little minds that cannot stay innocent forever.  Why are my friend's mommy and daddy not living together anymore?  Why do I need to stay away from strangers?  What does it mean when someone dies?  Why did those girls laugh at me? 

Sometimes being a parent means having your heart screaming at the world wondering why.  Why does life sometimes hurt?  Why don't I have the answers for all the questions my kids ask?  Why do I sometimes feel overwhelmed?  Why do I always seem too busy to enjoy the moments that keep passing away far too quickly?  Why can't this parenting thing be easier? ..........

........ Am I a good mother?

To all the moms out there who do not have it all together, yes, you are a good mother.  A good mother loves her kids.  A good mother has sleepless nights wondering about her kids.  A good mother gets food on the table even if it is mac and cheese for the fifth time this week.  A good mother hugs her kids when they need it.  A good mother sometimes has to tell her kids that she does not have the answer to their question.  A good mother doesn't always have everything on her Pinterest page completed ;)  A good mother simply. loves. her. kids.

What prompted this?  A car ride.

T:  Mommy, I dropped by airplane!
Me: Sorry buddy but you will have to wait until we get home cause mommy can't get it while we drive.
L: Here T, you can have my teddy bear.
T: (takes the bear and snuggles it close)
L: Mommy, I gave T my bear because sometimes it is better to think about others before yourself.  Look how happy my brother looks, Mommy. (big smile on her face)
Me: (tears) 

Perhaps I might be a good mom after all..... I bet you are too.

Purge 2013: Part 2

I have now tackled and conquered the kids bedroom closets.  Oh my, it feels very good.  I took out all the clothes that no longer fit T and packed them away for T2.  I decided to try something new.  Instead of putting the clothes in boxes marked 0-12 months or 12-24 months I decided to instead put the clothes in boxes marked sleepers, shirts and pants.  This way when I dig though the pile of pants to find all the 6-12 month pants I know that once I reach a pair that is 18 months I don't have to dig any further.  Does that make sense?  I think this will work much better than sorting through boxes of assorted clothing items.  In addition to this, I also sorted all the clothes that are too small on L and T2 and packed them away in boxes to bring to the consignment store.  I am quickly realizing that three kids can get a bit expensive so I am going to try and make some of my money back from their clothing and baby items that T2 is quickly growing out of.  It feels so good to know that once T2 is done with something I can get it out of my house rather than having to store it for an indefinite amount of time.  That is the ultimate purge :)

So, here's a little sneak at the closet organizing.  I could not bring myself to take pics of what they looked like before I cleaned them so you will have to just take me at my word when I tell you that this look WAY better.

First is L and T's closet.  I must admit that it looks pretty tidy because most of their clothes are in the dirty laundry basket.


Summer clothes are packed away in a box.  Also, each of the kids have a Memory Box that we put special things in that we think they will want to have one day when they are all grown up.


Next is T2's closet.  This little boy has a lot of clothes.



I know that I already posted about the basement but I didn't get good "after" pics.  So, here is before...


.... and here is after.

Another before.....

 

..... and after :)



Yellow Day

I had a superstar mom moment this morning. That's right, I was a superstar.  I figure I spend so much time and energy feeling like I never quite get the mom thing right that I decided to take a moment and celebrate that I did good. 

Today was yellow day in L's kindergarten class.  This morning she decided to stay in her pj's until about 11:30 (she is in afternoon kindergarten).  When she went to get dressed she realized that none of her clothes are yellow.  Seriously, none of them!  So we went on a hunt for something yellow to wear.  We were coming up empty until, out of desperation, we decided to look through my drawers.  Well, I did indeed have a yellow shirt however, a medium adult shirt is beyond big on a thin five year old.  So, I got out the old needle and thread.  With 20 minutes to work I managed to alter the shirt to make it look kinda like a little dress.  Not too bad.  And L was thrilled :)

I thought the back looked super cute!

The Great Purge of 2013

I will admit that I am a bit of an organization addict.  When our house is organized and tidy I feel at peace.  Well, with three kids I am finding that it is getting very cluttered around here.  Christmas is right around the corner and with our wonderfully generous families living so close that means more toys, books, games, and clothes will be entering our home in about a month and a half.  So, I have decided that this year, before I put up any Christmas decorations, I am going to do a big household purge.  I am getting rid of anything and everything that has not been used in the last few months and I am organizing everything that is staying.  Is it sick that I am SOOOO looking forward to doing this and consider it really fun??

So, I started this epic journey on Friday with our basement.  Because we live in a split level house we only have half a basement and it is divided into two parts: the playroom and the laundry/storage room.  I started with the playroom (mostly because I am actually a little afraid of the storage room).  It was the perfect time since the playroom was an absolute disaster.  L helped me sort though the toys and decided what to keep and what to give away.  I must say that I am very proud of the way she does not hang onto things.  She was more than willing to part with toys she hasn't played with in a while.  In fact, she was so good at it that I had to convince her to keep a few things.  That kid has such an amazing heart to share her things with kids who don't have toys or clothing (more on that in another post).  So, after an entire day of cleaning, here is the final outcome.


Before

After

Under the stairs closet before



After :)

So the basement cleaning led to cleaning the kitchen office area.  This area seems to always be a disaster since we just dump stuff on the desk.  Hopefully I have now created a space for things that normally just sit all over the place.

Before.....

 

.....and after :)

So, that was the first installment of the great purge week.  Oh, ya, did I mention that I'm going to attempt to do all of this in a week :)  So excited! 

The Darkness

This time of year is often difficult for me.  I do not do well with the days becoming shorter and nighttime feeling endless.  Darkness at dinner time and darkness at breakfast.  I often joke about wanting to live in a glass box because I love the sunshine so much.  The darkness was never my friend but I really began to notice it when L was born.  She was born early October and she was very colicky.  She would cry all day and all night.  I would pace in her nursery holding her all night long and cry my eyes out.  During the day I could handle it but as soon as the sun started to go down I would get a strong sense of dread that would come over me and I would begin to shake, feel like I was going to vomit, and, of course, start to cry.  That was probably one of the most difficult times of my life.  When baby #3 was born at the beginning of September this year I began to feel that feeling all over again.  T2 has been a very good baby since he was born but when you are tired and you have no idea what your night is going to look like and you have two other kids who are going to wake up bright and early the next morning, you can't help but feel a little fearful.  Thankfully this time that dreadful feeling passing by the time T2 was only about three weeks old.  I don't know if it was just because I was able to fall into motherhood easier since it was the third time or if it was just a result of a lot of prayer but I am SOOO thankful that feeling is a thing of the past.  So, this year I have decided to embrace the darkness and look for some positives in it.  This is what I have come up with so far.

10 Reasons to Enjoy Short Winter Days
1. The kids no longer wake up at 5:00AM with the summer sunshine.
2. You can trick the kids into going to bed early.  This will probably only work a little while longer since I'm sure L is going to be able to tell time very soon.
3. Sitting by the fire is much cosier with the flames glow in the darkness.
4. Oh, Christmas Tree.  Nothing like the twinkle of a Christmas tree in the darkness.
5. Along those same lines, the outdoors look so incredibly beautiful when all the Christmas lights are up on the houses.  We are fortunate to live on a street where lots of people put up Christmas lights on their houses and outdoor trees :)
6. Romantic cuddles.  Come on now, cuddles on the couch with the hubby do seem a little more romantic when the lights are dimmed. *wink, wink*
7. Snow falling.  There are few things more beautiful than watching the snow fall under a streetlight.  I will admit that the beauty is lost if it is still happening in April.
8. Cosy sweaters.  A warm winter sweater seems so much more comfy when worn on a cool, dark winter evening.... plus it will cover that left over baby belly still hanging around ;)
9. Skating.  Ooooooh, I LOVE ice skating on a winter evening.  The twinkling snow and the strange muted silence that the snow brings.  Perhaps I am a little biased to ice skating since that is how my hubby proposed 10 years ago :)
10. Snow.  If you don't live in a place with snow then you might not know what it is like to walk outside on a winter night when the moon is shining and it feels almost as light as day as its light reflects off of the snow.  It is at that moment that it truly feels like a winter wonderland.

So, on these ever increasingly shorter days be encouraged that there are reasons to enjoy the darkness.

Dear Moms,

Dear mom who is eagerly awaiting her baby's arrival, get as much sleep as you can and go out on as many dates as you can with your husband.

Dear mom who is feeling those first labour pains, remember that it only lasts a day and you will be holding your baby in your arms and he will be even more beautiful that you have imagined.

Dear mom who is getting ready to leave the hospital, don't worry, you will do fine.

Dear mom who is awake in the middle of the night for the 6th time, you are not the only one awake right now.  All over the city there are other moms up feeling the same thing you are.  Take a few minutes and pray for all of them.

Dear mom who is struggling with breastfeeding, hang in there, it does not always come naturally and yes, it can hurt.

Dear mom who is not able to breastfeed, welcome to the club.  You are not the only one.  Your baby is still loved and will still grow up to be a wonderful person regardless of how he was fed.

Dear mom who tears up every time you hear the phrase "breast is best".  Sometimes it's not.  Let the guilt go.

Dear mom who's baby is screaming all the time, again, welcome to the club.  I've been there and I can promise you that it will eventually get better.  Remember, your baby loves you but she is unsettled in this new world she has found herself in.

Dear mom who's friends are all telling you how to get your baby on a sleep schedule.  Do what feels right for you and your baby.  Schedules are good, but not at the expense of your sanity.  Just survive those first few weeks without putting extra pressure on yourself.

Dear mom who feels like crying all the time, we all feel like that.  A human being just came out of you!  Don't be afraid to share how you feel with other moms because we all want to be there to support you.  If you feel like you need some help, there is no shame in asking for it. 

Dear mom who feels like your life was abruptly taken away from you, go ahead and mourn that old life.  It will never be the same.  But, once you are done, embrace this new life you have because it too will be wonderful even if it doesn't seem like it right now.

Dear mom who feels like you have no idea what you are doing, welcome to motherhood ;)  You will most likely spend the next few decades feeling like you are making things up as you go but don't worry, eventually you get used to that feeling ;)

Being a mom is hard but it is also the most amazing journey you will take in life.

Our first family picture.  Not the most flattering but it was a monumental moment.  Our family finally feels complete :)

The End of an Era

I am so happy that L is enjoying her first week in kindergarten.  She is so ready for it!  I am very proud of the little girl she has become and I can't wait to see how so grows and matures throughout the school year.  However, as I watched her walk into the doors of the school this week the reality of what was happening hit me like a ton of bricks.  When she walked in those doors it truly was the end of an era.  It's the end of my time as a mom with little kids.  We are no longer in the toddler years with endless days of play dates and naps and we are no longer in the preschool years with school only two mornings a week.  We are now in the school days with school every single day..... for the next 12 years.  Our schedule is no longer our own.  We can no longer take the entire day and do whatever we feel like.  I do love schedules and the stability they provide however, until this week, I made the schedule, not someone else.  Life is truly moving on and my kids really are growing up.  It makes me tear up a little.... or a lot.  I found myself several times this week wanting to yell, "Stop!  Time, stop moving forward so quickly! Let me go back, slow down and truly enjoy those years just like everyone told me to.  I took it for granted that I would have endless days to enjoy.  I wished them away too fast!" But, no matter how much or how loudly I yell, Time stops for no one.  It's time to pick up those broken pieces of my heart and put them back together again so that I can soak up this stage of life so I don't miss any more than I feel like I already have.

First day of Kindergarten

L beside her apple tree

Craving Indulged!

When I am pregnant I have cravings and then I have what I like to call "insanity" cravings.  You may know what I am talking about.  It's the type of craving that you absolutely, positively cannot shake.  Oh, who am I kidding?!  I get these cravings regardless of whether or not I am pregnant I just feel a little less guilty indulging them when I have a tiny human growing in me to blame it on ;)  Today's craving took four hours trying to satisfy.  This is how I spent my entire evening.  These amazingly delicious beauties took four hours to make but they were SOOOOO worth it!  If you find yourself with a craving for such deliciousness, here is the link to the recipe ;)  If you want some now, you better get over to my house quick because these are not going to last long!



Photo from the blog "From Here To Paris"

The Big Reveal - The Kiddo's New Bedroom

 
 
I am thrilled to say that the kids' bedroom is FINALLY finished!  Woooo, hoooo!  The hold up has been their bedding.  I've been looking at the material for their duvet covers for months and months and just never had the energy to do it.  Thankfully, I have some German stubbornness in me and this week I decided that no matter how tired I am or how sore my back is (that may be another post in the near future) I was going to get them done this week.  And, I did it!  So, here's their new room.

 

 

I wanted to make a room that was girly yet masculine enough for a little boy as well.  Somewhere along the way I got my mind stuck on the kids having chevron duvet covers.  I could not find what I had in mind anywhere and when I found something close to what I wanted it was WAY out of my price range.  So, after ranting on Facebook about it, a friend of mine sent me a link to making your own chevron duvet cover.  Since the kids beds are single beds and I wanted the print to be quite large the quilts were actually pretty easy to make.  A little time consuming but easy.

The room is SUPER small so I had to get creative to fit both kids plus their clothes into this one little room.  I found some awesome plastic bins at Wal-Mart that slide nicely under the bottom bunk.  We use one for T's diapers and the other two are for dirt clothes since there is no room in the closet for hampers.

That brings me to the closet.  It is also pretty small and there is no room for a dresser anywhere else in the room.  Again, had to get creative.  I was planning on buying a closet organizer but then I found cube shelves on sale at Home Depot.  They fit PERFECTLY into the closet without an inch to spare.  Half of the cubes are for L and half are for T.  We already had the upper shelves and closet bar in that closet so half become L's and half became T's.  Each cube holds a different article of clothing (ie, t-shirts in one, long sleeves in one, pants in one, shorts in one, etc....).  Underwear and socks go in baskets on top of the shelves for now.

L loves books and we have a lot, so yet another cube shelf is out in the room to hold books as well as to be the shelf for the CD player and basket containing CD's, Bible, and T's soothers (yes, he still has soothers).

Then on the wall I wanted each kid to have some space of their own.  So, L's space has some old pics from my room when I was a little girl as well as a painting that our pastor's wife painted for me when I was born.  T's space has a hockey picture from his aunt and uncle and some cars.  I still need to get a letter T for his wall space.

 

 

So, that is the kiddos' new room.  I think it turned out pretty cute and they sure do seem to love it :)

 

This was the kids art project during the winter.  I taped their initials onto canvas and let them paint (clearly I helped T).  Then when the paint was dry we took the tape off.  They turned out really well.