Overwhelmed Much?

I never want to complain about my kids.  I am blessed to have all three of those beautiful little miracles but..... just because I'm thankful for them doesn't mean that life suddenly becomes easy.  Today is what I call a "drowning day".  This was one of those days where I feel like no matter how hard I try I cannot seem to keep up with life or accomplish anything. My "to do" list feels endless.  This is not a list of projects I would like to do, these are things that I have to do. Things like grocery shopping, washing the peed on sheets, emptying the Diaper Genie before we all throw up from the smell.  Oh, and laundry.  Now I'm not talking washing clothes and then folding them nicely and putting them away.  I'm simply talking about getting them clean in a heap at the bottom of the basement stairs.  At least we have clean clothes.... good luck finding your outfit in that heap..... and don't look at me if it desperately needs ironing.  Seriously, next time you are with any one of my family members take a look at our clothes.  Guaranteed we will be wearing something wrinkled.  I am not proud of this.  I am not proud of the fact that most of them time our laundry does get folded is because my mom was over watching the kids and she folded it for me.  My kids already know the drill when I tell them Grandma is coming over.  We go into code red cleaning mode.  My daughter will run around the house putting things away saying, "we have to clean up before Grandma gets here otherwise she'll have to clean the whole time she's here!"  I will admit, while hanging my head low, that sometimes when I know my mom is coming I'll drop a few things off my endless "to do" list because I know that she will help me out by doing them without me even asking.  Does that make me a bad daughter? Sigh. Some weeks I don't even care if it does because, truth be told, I am exhausted about 98% of the time.  I don't think my hubby or myself have had more than five hours a sleep per night for the last few weeks.... and, no, those five hours are not in a row.  They are broken up between one kid who can't sleep because they are coughing, one kid who has peed the bed, one who is teething and screaming, one who had a bad dream, one who is too hot and then one who is thirsty.  I know what you are thinking, "you only have three kids and you just listed six different reasons that they wake up at night".  Rest assured, all six of these things can easily come up in one night.  And, on those really frustrating nights, they all come from one kid.  Does anyone out there know what it feels like to wake up feeling well rested?  If so, can you just explain it to me?  I think the mere description might be enough to get me through a day.  I can vaguely remember lazy Saturday mornings when I slept until my body ached because it had been laying down too long.  My body still aches now when I wake up but that's because I did a bazillion squats just getting in and out of bed and then pulled a few muscles trying to cuddle in a small bed with a squirming kid and then topped it all off with whacking my head of the bunk bed while trying to sneak back to my bed.  Oh ya, and the sound of my scull impacting the hard wooden bed (why didn't we buy one made of particle board!) woke the kid up.  Commence fitting into a small bed with a squirming kid.  Sigh.

My hubby and I are celebrating our 10th anniversary next month and we are celebrating by dumping the kids at grandma's house (ha ha ha ha ha *see paragraph above to understand laughter) and staying at a hotel for the night.  We were able to get an early check-in at the hotel.  I don't know about you but in my younger years I always imagined checking into a hotel with my husband and ripping each others clothes off the moment we arrived (sorry if you're reading this mom..... and my husband's mom.....) but when we found out we could get an early check-in we were both excited because we could take an afternoon nap!  And, no, nap is not code for anything.  We just want a few hours of totally uninterrupted sleep so that one of us doesn't fall asleep during dinner.  Isn't that romantic?

I think that pretty much sums up this sleep deprived rant.... plus I can hear another kid waking up coughing.  Kids are wonderful and they really truly are a blessing but if you are raising some and you find yourself feeling a little overwhelmed and sleep deprived like me, you are not alone.  Let us moms unite as we daily take up our battle with our cups of coffee as our sword.  We will win this battle and one day we will realized that we are drinking less coffee and getting more sleep and that our kids have turned into strong, independent, confident, smart and compassionate adults because we never gave up.  Never give up.  Next time you run into a friend who's a mom give her a hug and buy her a cup of coffee and remind her that she is not alone.  Remind her that there a millions of us all over the world who feel just like her.  And remind her to look her little miracles in the eye and remember that it's all worth it. 

A Mother's Day Lesson

So, yesterday was Mother's Day.  Year after year when I imagine Mother's Day I think it will be my day to kick back, relax, sit in my lawn chair and drink coffee all day.  After six years you would think that I wouldn't let my imagination get the better of me.  I am still a mom on Mother's Day.  My husband does a wonderful job trying to take care of everything for me so that I can relax but there will still always be a little finger poking me in the face at 6:30AM asking me to open the present she made for me at school.  And, there will still be the baby who will not fall asleep for his nap unless mommy is there to give him a final kiss before closing his eyes.  And, there will always be that little boy who truly believes with all his heart that a mud pie and a handful of dirty weeds is a the best way to tell his mommy that he loves her.  I guess I will relax when they are all teenagers and simply grunt at me to say "Happy Mother's Day".

Having said all that, I did have a really special moment this year.  We were at church in the morning and the baby will not sleep in my arms anymore so grouchy him and I spent the morning in the foyer.  During that morning I found myself sitting beside a friend who had come to Canada from China in January to study.  This Sunday morning she was holding her beautiful two year old girl who had just now arrived from China after being separated by an ocean for over four months.  As I was sitting with her my baby boy was fussing and would not drink him bottle.  Then along came a friend from Nigeria who popped her sweet four month old boy on my lap and took my fussy baby and convinced him to drink his bottle.  As we were all sitting on that bench in the foyer I had to smile.  Three different nationalities from three different parts of the world.  We all grew up in different countries, speaking different languages, with different upbringings.  But here we sat with our kids scattered in each others arms.  We were all moms.  We were all raising our children differently with different cultures and languages but as we sat there and chatted it didn't matter.  There is something about children that brings people together.  Maybe it's their funny expressions, their clumsy movements, or their adorable little noises.  I think maybe it's how they smile at anyone who smiles at them.  They meet a new baby and they don't care if that baby is bottle fed or breast fed.  They could care less what foods they were introduced to first.  They don't care what brand of diaper the other baby is wearing and they certainly don't care if their outfit is from Walmart or The Gap.  They don't care if that baby is long and skinny or short and chunky.  They will pat that other baby's head and smile whether their hair is long and thick or shiny and bald.  They will giggle together when one of them falls down and giggle even harder when the other one falls on top.  They will sit and drool all over themselves and not care what the other one thinks.  Maybe babies bring us together because they will smile at us just because we are there.  They will love us regardless of what we look.  They don't compare us to one another or judge us for our faults.  I always thought I had some growing up to do but maybe I have some lessons to learn from the baby I assumed I was supposed to be teaching.  Maybe, from time to time, this mommy needs to remember to see the world through her baby's eyes.

Life is Like a Leaky Faucet

I've had a few people ask me lately if I'm still writing my blog.  I always plan on writing but, truth be told, I haven't felt super inspired lately.  When I started this blog I wanted to encourage people either by having something uplifting to say or by sharing my struggles so that others who feel the same way know they are not alone.  I suppose this post may be the latter.  Lately I've been feeling a little overwhelmed with life but I didn't realized it until very recently.  There have been times over the years when life feels out of control or so busy that I can barely keep up but that's not what has been going on.  Maybe it's just the long winter or maybe it's learning to juggle three kids but life has been feeling a bit like a leaky faucet.  Nothing overwhelming has happened lately.  Nothing crazy or stressful has come up.  No new changes are facing us.  But day by day little things start adding up.  

A couple of months ago we had a leaky faucet in our guest bathtub.  I didn't think much of it until one day my hubby put the plug in the drain and the next morning there were several inches of water in the tub.  I had no idea how much water we were wasting until I took the time to notice.  Much is the same with life these days.  I didn't notice how much all the little things were adding up on me until I sat back and took stock of what life was like at this particular moment in time.  I have been going through the motions of life every day but it was all adding up. 

We fixed our bathtub faucet.  It was actually really easy. My hubby took the time to investigate what was wrong, go to the hardware store to buy the part, and replace the old worn out piece.  It took acknowledging that something wasn't working right and getting up and doing something about it.  I can't change my life and even if I could I'm positive that I wouldn't (ok, maybe I'd throw in a little extra cash for a winter vacation) but I can acknowledge that I'm a little overwhelmed and I can do something about it.  Ditch a few TV shows and get to bed earlier so I have more energy.  Make sure that I take the time to get out with friends who understand this stage of life I'm in.  Read a book that doesn't involve talking animated animals.  Find a way to stop the leaky faucet before the tub fills up and cracks.

The hot and cold are now reversed in our tub.  We have no idea why but we are used to it now so it isn't a problem.  Life is not rainbows, unicorns and marshmallows but we can make the best of it and with a good attitude the things that are not perfect will no longer be a problem.  In fact, it is often through our problems that we create our character. 
 
I'm not sure if any of that made sense but I feel better.  Now I've just got to figure out how the rattle in the front end of our mini van can be a life lesson.....

Let the Oatmeal Burn

This morning I was sitting on my comfy chair drinking my coffee when my three year old came up beside me and asked for a snuggle.  I scooped him up into my lap and he laid his little head on my shoulder.  We were snuggling for about a minute when I realized that the oatmeal on the stove was starting to bubble and I needed to stir it.  I was about to tell my little guy that I needed to put him down to go stir the oatmeal when I paused. So often I am running from one thing to the next.  My kids are so good to me and they easily come along with me as we run errands, grocery shop, clean the house, etc...  In fact they are so good I fear that I sometimes take them for granted.  I go about my busy life dragging the kids here and there, asking them to wait just a moment while I finish up one last email or while I respond to a text message.  They patiently wait which is a good virtue to teach my kids but do they spend more time waiting then they should?  I think they do.  It's time to ignore some things in life.  It's time to push distractions away when one of them asks to cuddle, or to play a game or for help with a drawing.  It's time to get rid of some things in life that make it so busy.  It's time to let the oatmeal burn because my little boy will not always want to snuggle with me on the big comfy chair.

This morning the oatmeal burned and I will gladly scrape the pot later.

It's Too Heavy

I was in the kitchen getting ready to make lunch when I heard my little boy in the family room huffing and puffing, "It's too heavy.  I can't carry it." I went into the room and found him trying to carry a box full of stuff that was way to heavy for him to carry.  I looked at him and said, "If it's too heavy, just put it down.  You don't have to carry it by yourself".

How many times have I heard those words in my life?  So often I find myself burdened with so much stuff.  Stressful days, tough situations with my kids, rough patches in marriage, baggage from my past, news of sickness in a good friend.  It seems like everyday more and more "stuff" is added to my box of life and sometimes it gets overwhelming trying to carry it all.  But just like I eased my son's burden by helping him carry his little box full of treasures, God is just standing by waiting for me to ask him to help carry my box of stuff.  I don't have to be supermom.  I don't have to carry the weight of the world and all the awful things that go on in it on my shoulders.  I can lay it at his feet and ask him to carry it for me.  His shoulders are big enough.  His love is strong enough.  All I have to do is ask.

After a few items were emptied out of my sons little box he picked it up and said, with great confidence, "It's not too heavy.  I can carry it now!"  Today I am going to empty a few things out of my box.  I am going to lay them at the feet of the one who is strong enough to carry them for me.  I am not called to be perfect.  I am called to be his child.  I am called to trust him.

If this doesn't make sense to you, ask me about it.  I'll be glad to share how you too can get rid of your heavy box.

It's Tough Being a Parent

I doubt there is anyone in the world who wouldn't agree that being a parent is the toughest job in the world.  Everyday you need to learn and adapt.  It tests your patience and it calls out your selfishness.  There is never a moment that your child isn't on your mind and that alone is exhausting.  You have to fight with your mind to not think about all the things that could go wrong.  You have to trust that God is there to take care of your kids when you cannot.  Everyday you are asked questions that you have no idea how to answer but you have a little face staring at you waiting for the endless knowledge that you are supposed to have.  On the bad days you find yourself holding your child wondering if it is time to take them to the hospital and on the worst days you find yourself holding them wondering if what they faced that day will haunt them for years to come.  Sometimes it is stressful figuring out what type of first aid to administer to the latest boo boo and sometimes it is terrify trying to explain why those kids laughed at them and broke their little heart.  Then there are the moments when you have to explain things like pain, abuse, and death to little minds that cannot stay innocent forever.  Why are my friend's mommy and daddy not living together anymore?  Why do I need to stay away from strangers?  What does it mean when someone dies?  Why did those girls laugh at me? 

Sometimes being a parent means having your heart screaming at the world wondering why.  Why does life sometimes hurt?  Why don't I have the answers for all the questions my kids ask?  Why do I sometimes feel overwhelmed?  Why do I always seem too busy to enjoy the moments that keep passing away far too quickly?  Why can't this parenting thing be easier? ..........

........ Am I a good mother?

To all the moms out there who do not have it all together, yes, you are a good mother.  A good mother loves her kids.  A good mother has sleepless nights wondering about her kids.  A good mother gets food on the table even if it is mac and cheese for the fifth time this week.  A good mother hugs her kids when they need it.  A good mother sometimes has to tell her kids that she does not have the answer to their question.  A good mother doesn't always have everything on her Pinterest page completed ;)  A good mother simply. loves. her. kids.

What prompted this?  A car ride.

T:  Mommy, I dropped by airplane!
Me: Sorry buddy but you will have to wait until we get home cause mommy can't get it while we drive.
L: Here T, you can have my teddy bear.
T: (takes the bear and snuggles it close)
L: Mommy, I gave T my bear because sometimes it is better to think about others before yourself.  Look how happy my brother looks, Mommy. (big smile on her face)
Me: (tears) 

Perhaps I might be a good mom after all..... I bet you are too.

The Darkness

This time of year is often difficult for me.  I do not do well with the days becoming shorter and nighttime feeling endless.  Darkness at dinner time and darkness at breakfast.  I often joke about wanting to live in a glass box because I love the sunshine so much.  The darkness was never my friend but I really began to notice it when L was born.  She was born early October and she was very colicky.  She would cry all day and all night.  I would pace in her nursery holding her all night long and cry my eyes out.  During the day I could handle it but as soon as the sun started to go down I would get a strong sense of dread that would come over me and I would begin to shake, feel like I was going to vomit, and, of course, start to cry.  That was probably one of the most difficult times of my life.  When baby #3 was born at the beginning of September this year I began to feel that feeling all over again.  T2 has been a very good baby since he was born but when you are tired and you have no idea what your night is going to look like and you have two other kids who are going to wake up bright and early the next morning, you can't help but feel a little fearful.  Thankfully this time that dreadful feeling passing by the time T2 was only about three weeks old.  I don't know if it was just because I was able to fall into motherhood easier since it was the third time or if it was just a result of a lot of prayer but I am SOOO thankful that feeling is a thing of the past.  So, this year I have decided to embrace the darkness and look for some positives in it.  This is what I have come up with so far.

10 Reasons to Enjoy Short Winter Days
1. The kids no longer wake up at 5:00AM with the summer sunshine.
2. You can trick the kids into going to bed early.  This will probably only work a little while longer since I'm sure L is going to be able to tell time very soon.
3. Sitting by the fire is much cosier with the flames glow in the darkness.
4. Oh, Christmas Tree.  Nothing like the twinkle of a Christmas tree in the darkness.
5. Along those same lines, the outdoors look so incredibly beautiful when all the Christmas lights are up on the houses.  We are fortunate to live on a street where lots of people put up Christmas lights on their houses and outdoor trees :)
6. Romantic cuddles.  Come on now, cuddles on the couch with the hubby do seem a little more romantic when the lights are dimmed. *wink, wink*
7. Snow falling.  There are few things more beautiful than watching the snow fall under a streetlight.  I will admit that the beauty is lost if it is still happening in April.
8. Cosy sweaters.  A warm winter sweater seems so much more comfy when worn on a cool, dark winter evening.... plus it will cover that left over baby belly still hanging around ;)
9. Skating.  Ooooooh, I LOVE ice skating on a winter evening.  The twinkling snow and the strange muted silence that the snow brings.  Perhaps I am a little biased to ice skating since that is how my hubby proposed 10 years ago :)
10. Snow.  If you don't live in a place with snow then you might not know what it is like to walk outside on a winter night when the moon is shining and it feels almost as light as day as its light reflects off of the snow.  It is at that moment that it truly feels like a winter wonderland.

So, on these ever increasingly shorter days be encouraged that there are reasons to enjoy the darkness.