The Darkness

This time of year is often difficult for me.  I do not do well with the days becoming shorter and nighttime feeling endless.  Darkness at dinner time and darkness at breakfast.  I often joke about wanting to live in a glass box because I love the sunshine so much.  The darkness was never my friend but I really began to notice it when L was born.  She was born early October and she was very colicky.  She would cry all day and all night.  I would pace in her nursery holding her all night long and cry my eyes out.  During the day I could handle it but as soon as the sun started to go down I would get a strong sense of dread that would come over me and I would begin to shake, feel like I was going to vomit, and, of course, start to cry.  That was probably one of the most difficult times of my life.  When baby #3 was born at the beginning of September this year I began to feel that feeling all over again.  T2 has been a very good baby since he was born but when you are tired and you have no idea what your night is going to look like and you have two other kids who are going to wake up bright and early the next morning, you can't help but feel a little fearful.  Thankfully this time that dreadful feeling passing by the time T2 was only about three weeks old.  I don't know if it was just because I was able to fall into motherhood easier since it was the third time or if it was just a result of a lot of prayer but I am SOOO thankful that feeling is a thing of the past.  So, this year I have decided to embrace the darkness and look for some positives in it.  This is what I have come up with so far.

10 Reasons to Enjoy Short Winter Days
1. The kids no longer wake up at 5:00AM with the summer sunshine.
2. You can trick the kids into going to bed early.  This will probably only work a little while longer since I'm sure L is going to be able to tell time very soon.
3. Sitting by the fire is much cosier with the flames glow in the darkness.
4. Oh, Christmas Tree.  Nothing like the twinkle of a Christmas tree in the darkness.
5. Along those same lines, the outdoors look so incredibly beautiful when all the Christmas lights are up on the houses.  We are fortunate to live on a street where lots of people put up Christmas lights on their houses and outdoor trees :)
6. Romantic cuddles.  Come on now, cuddles on the couch with the hubby do seem a little more romantic when the lights are dimmed. *wink, wink*
7. Snow falling.  There are few things more beautiful than watching the snow fall under a streetlight.  I will admit that the beauty is lost if it is still happening in April.
8. Cosy sweaters.  A warm winter sweater seems so much more comfy when worn on a cool, dark winter evening.... plus it will cover that left over baby belly still hanging around ;)
9. Skating.  Ooooooh, I LOVE ice skating on a winter evening.  The twinkling snow and the strange muted silence that the snow brings.  Perhaps I am a little biased to ice skating since that is how my hubby proposed 10 years ago :)
10. Snow.  If you don't live in a place with snow then you might not know what it is like to walk outside on a winter night when the moon is shining and it feels almost as light as day as its light reflects off of the snow.  It is at that moment that it truly feels like a winter wonderland.

So, on these ever increasingly shorter days be encouraged that there are reasons to enjoy the darkness.

Dear Moms,

Dear mom who is eagerly awaiting her baby's arrival, get as much sleep as you can and go out on as many dates as you can with your husband.

Dear mom who is feeling those first labour pains, remember that it only lasts a day and you will be holding your baby in your arms and he will be even more beautiful that you have imagined.

Dear mom who is getting ready to leave the hospital, don't worry, you will do fine.

Dear mom who is awake in the middle of the night for the 6th time, you are not the only one awake right now.  All over the city there are other moms up feeling the same thing you are.  Take a few minutes and pray for all of them.

Dear mom who is struggling with breastfeeding, hang in there, it does not always come naturally and yes, it can hurt.

Dear mom who is not able to breastfeed, welcome to the club.  You are not the only one.  Your baby is still loved and will still grow up to be a wonderful person regardless of how he was fed.

Dear mom who tears up every time you hear the phrase "breast is best".  Sometimes it's not.  Let the guilt go.

Dear mom who's baby is screaming all the time, again, welcome to the club.  I've been there and I can promise you that it will eventually get better.  Remember, your baby loves you but she is unsettled in this new world she has found herself in.

Dear mom who's friends are all telling you how to get your baby on a sleep schedule.  Do what feels right for you and your baby.  Schedules are good, but not at the expense of your sanity.  Just survive those first few weeks without putting extra pressure on yourself.

Dear mom who feels like crying all the time, we all feel like that.  A human being just came out of you!  Don't be afraid to share how you feel with other moms because we all want to be there to support you.  If you feel like you need some help, there is no shame in asking for it. 

Dear mom who feels like your life was abruptly taken away from you, go ahead and mourn that old life.  It will never be the same.  But, once you are done, embrace this new life you have because it too will be wonderful even if it doesn't seem like it right now.

Dear mom who feels like you have no idea what you are doing, welcome to motherhood ;)  You will most likely spend the next few decades feeling like you are making things up as you go but don't worry, eventually you get used to that feeling ;)

Being a mom is hard but it is also the most amazing journey you will take in life.

Our first family picture.  Not the most flattering but it was a monumental moment.  Our family finally feels complete :)

The End of an Era

I am so happy that L is enjoying her first week in kindergarten.  She is so ready for it!  I am very proud of the little girl she has become and I can't wait to see how so grows and matures throughout the school year.  However, as I watched her walk into the doors of the school this week the reality of what was happening hit me like a ton of bricks.  When she walked in those doors it truly was the end of an era.  It's the end of my time as a mom with little kids.  We are no longer in the toddler years with endless days of play dates and naps and we are no longer in the preschool years with school only two mornings a week.  We are now in the school days with school every single day..... for the next 12 years.  Our schedule is no longer our own.  We can no longer take the entire day and do whatever we feel like.  I do love schedules and the stability they provide however, until this week, I made the schedule, not someone else.  Life is truly moving on and my kids really are growing up.  It makes me tear up a little.... or a lot.  I found myself several times this week wanting to yell, "Stop!  Time, stop moving forward so quickly! Let me go back, slow down and truly enjoy those years just like everyone told me to.  I took it for granted that I would have endless days to enjoy.  I wished them away too fast!" But, no matter how much or how loudly I yell, Time stops for no one.  It's time to pick up those broken pieces of my heart and put them back together again so that I can soak up this stage of life so I don't miss any more than I feel like I already have.

First day of Kindergarten

L beside her apple tree

Craving Indulged!

When I am pregnant I have cravings and then I have what I like to call "insanity" cravings.  You may know what I am talking about.  It's the type of craving that you absolutely, positively cannot shake.  Oh, who am I kidding?!  I get these cravings regardless of whether or not I am pregnant I just feel a little less guilty indulging them when I have a tiny human growing in me to blame it on ;)  Today's craving took four hours trying to satisfy.  This is how I spent my entire evening.  These amazingly delicious beauties took four hours to make but they were SOOOOO worth it!  If you find yourself with a craving for such deliciousness, here is the link to the recipe ;)  If you want some now, you better get over to my house quick because these are not going to last long!



Photo from the blog "From Here To Paris"

The Big Reveal - The Kiddo's New Bedroom

 
 
I am thrilled to say that the kids' bedroom is FINALLY finished!  Woooo, hoooo!  The hold up has been their bedding.  I've been looking at the material for their duvet covers for months and months and just never had the energy to do it.  Thankfully, I have some German stubbornness in me and this week I decided that no matter how tired I am or how sore my back is (that may be another post in the near future) I was going to get them done this week.  And, I did it!  So, here's their new room.

 

 

I wanted to make a room that was girly yet masculine enough for a little boy as well.  Somewhere along the way I got my mind stuck on the kids having chevron duvet covers.  I could not find what I had in mind anywhere and when I found something close to what I wanted it was WAY out of my price range.  So, after ranting on Facebook about it, a friend of mine sent me a link to making your own chevron duvet cover.  Since the kids beds are single beds and I wanted the print to be quite large the quilts were actually pretty easy to make.  A little time consuming but easy.

The room is SUPER small so I had to get creative to fit both kids plus their clothes into this one little room.  I found some awesome plastic bins at Wal-Mart that slide nicely under the bottom bunk.  We use one for T's diapers and the other two are for dirt clothes since there is no room in the closet for hampers.

That brings me to the closet.  It is also pretty small and there is no room for a dresser anywhere else in the room.  Again, had to get creative.  I was planning on buying a closet organizer but then I found cube shelves on sale at Home Depot.  They fit PERFECTLY into the closet without an inch to spare.  Half of the cubes are for L and half are for T.  We already had the upper shelves and closet bar in that closet so half become L's and half became T's.  Each cube holds a different article of clothing (ie, t-shirts in one, long sleeves in one, pants in one, shorts in one, etc....).  Underwear and socks go in baskets on top of the shelves for now.

L loves books and we have a lot, so yet another cube shelf is out in the room to hold books as well as to be the shelf for the CD player and basket containing CD's, Bible, and T's soothers (yes, he still has soothers).

Then on the wall I wanted each kid to have some space of their own.  So, L's space has some old pics from my room when I was a little girl as well as a painting that our pastor's wife painted for me when I was born.  T's space has a hockey picture from his aunt and uncle and some cars.  I still need to get a letter T for his wall space.

 

 

So, that is the kiddos' new room.  I think it turned out pretty cute and they sure do seem to love it :)

 

This was the kids art project during the winter.  I taped their initials onto canvas and let them paint (clearly I helped T).  Then when the paint was dry we took the tape off.  They turned out really well.

Learning to Make A Difference

A few months ago L was watching commercials during some morning show that was on while I was working out.  The commercial was for an organization called the Children's Rehabilitation Foundation and it was advertising their annual Crusin' Down the Crescent event.  It helps to raise funds which provide children with disabilities with services that enable them to live with independence and ability in their own homes, schools and communities.  It's a great organization.  At the end of the commercial the narrator said, "You can make a difference!".  L turned and looked me in the eye and said, "I can make a difference?" My heart instantly melted as I told her that yes, she could make a difference and then proceeded to tell her what the event was and what the money was for.  I asked if she wanted to participate and without hesitation she agreed.  Over the next few weeks she raised $150 and began to get very excited about the event.  The day of the event was a nice warm Sunday morning.  Our whole family decided to participate together.  L rode her bike, my hubby put on his running shoes to chase her, and I (and baby bump) pushed T in the stroller.  When we arrived L got a t-shirt to wear and there were activities and games for the kids before the opening ceremonies.  When the walk began L was very excited to begin with the huge crowd.  Along the route they had performers singing and playing musical instruments, water stations, snacks being handed out, and (thankfully for me!) porta-potties.  I only had to stop three times all morning to pee ;)  About 20 minutes into our cruise L looked at me with a big grin and said, "I never knew it would be THIS much fun!"


We never did check to see how long this cruise was (I cannot figure out why) and we eventually realized it was 10kms long!  Lucky for us 10km was the goal (5 to the destination and 5 back) and people were encouraged to do just as much as they could.  I was VERY proud of our little troupers, they made it 9km!  L biked pretty much the entire way with about a 1km ride in the stroller and T was very content in the stroller but he ran about the last 3 or 4kms.  When we arrived at the finish line there was a group of people waiting with bells and whistles (literally) cheering for us.  We arrived on our own (not with a larger group of participants) and L was in awe that all these people were cheering just for her.  They gave her high fives and a big goody bag.  I don't know that I have ever seen her smile like that before.  She was so proud of herself.  I was so glad that I was wearing sunglasses because I was in tears watching my little girl so proud of herself for making a difference.

Ready to Make a Difference!

L was thrilled that the street was shut down the vehicles so she could ride her bike as fast as she wanted.

It wouldn't be a complete day if we didn't stop to pick some dandelions.

T was so excited to get out of his stroller.

Arriving at the finish line after 9kms!

Feeling pretty good about finishing.

All done for this year but I'm sure we will be back again next year!

It's OK, right?

Well, I am 32 weeks into this pregnancy and I think I've been doing pretty well so far.  I've re-done our kitchen, I've been the fundraising coordinator for L's preschool, I'm still coordinating our WM group at church, and I'm still working out four times a week.  I'm determined to not be a wuss this time around like I was with the other two.  When I was pregnant with L there were several complications throughout my pregnancy so I was very hesitant to do anything.  With T things went really well and I was much more relaxed during those nine months but I really let myself be lazy (I am still wearing at least 10lbs from that pregnancy).  This time around I am very relaxed about the health of our baby and I've been feeling pretty good.  I don't know if I feel so much better than my other pregnancies or if with two kids running around I have no choice but to feel good and go on with life.  However, in the last few days things have been changing a bit.  I'm exhausted.  I wake up after sleeping all night and I'm still tired.  This morning the weather was beautiful, my kids woke up happy, and I fell asleep on the couch until almost 10:00am.  By the time I got up, fed the kids, had a shower, the morning was almost over.  With such a short summer I feel the need to enjoy every single moment of summer and missing an entire morning filled me with a lot of guilt.  But then I thought about it for a while.  It's ok to have a morning every now and then where I'm too tired to do anything, right?  My kids were happy to play in the family room while I napped and they never asked to go outside and didn't even seem to notice that they missed a morning outside.  So, I think I need to let the guilt go because I have a sneaking suspicion that this will not be the last of these types of mornings.