The Lasts of the Firsts

Tonight my baby boy fell asleep in my arms.  I sat there snuggling him and thinking about the past few weeks.  I'm sure he is growing up exponentially faster than his older sister and brother.  Last week we took him out of his baby car seat because one more week of him in that thing would have sent me to physiotherapy for arm and neck strains.  Now that baby seat is sitting in my laundry room.  It looks lonely.  For the past five and a half years it has been transporting our babies places or sitting in the crawl space anticipating the next arrival.  I remember the day we bought it and brought it home.  I carried it around the house pretending that the baby in my belly was sitting all snuggled up in that seat.  When L arrived I was so excited to strap her into it and take her home.  My hubby walked tall and proud out of the hospital carrying his new baby girl.  We argued over who got to carry it into church the first Sunday after L was born because we were both so proud to show her off.  These same situations happened two more times.  And now, the last baby is growing up and that car seat is no longer needed.  I know it seem ridiculous to feel so sentimental about a car seat but I am slowly realizing that certain phases of our life are finishing and will be gone forever.  I am so amazingly blessed that I got to tell my hubby that I was pregnant three times.  Then I got to feel three little people rolling, kicking and dancing inside of me.  Then we got to meet those little people for the first time.  Three times we got to bring a baby home.  Three times I got to snuggle a newborn that smelled like baby soap and Pampers.  Three times I got to see a baby smile for the first time, sit for the first time, stand for the first time.  There are so many precious memories of my babies firsts that are now memories of the last time we will see those things.  It's bittersweet really.  We are content with our family of five and we are looking forward to new and exciting stages of life but it's a little bit hard to let some of the "firsts" go.  I hope I remember to take the time to be in the moment.  To take the time to really remember what it felt like, smelled like, sounded like.  If I could give any advice to other moms it would be to stop.  Just stop.  Think about where you are.  You are the only person in the world who gets to be the mommy to that baby who just laid eyes on you for the first time.  You are the only person in the world who gets to be mommy to that baby that just smiled at you for the first time.  Do we really understand what that means?  This is where it all happens and this is the stuff that at the end of our lives we are going to care about.  This is life.  

So, tonight as I snuggled my baby boy I realize how big he was in my arms and then I realized that soon he will be even bigger.  So, I sat there.  I just held him in my arms and I felt his warm little body and listened to his quiet little breaths.  At that moment I was the only person in the world who got to snuggle that little boy.  This is life and I'm not going to take it for granted.