It Started With A Tree

I am amazed at how life changes once you have kids.  Every parents finds themselves rudely awakened to the practical parts of life that change like unpredictable nights, how much diapers cost, loosing the ability to be truly spontaneous.  I could go on and on and on but today I'm thinking about something a little different than just the obvious changes.  I'm thinking about those changes that occur so subtly that you don't even know they are happening until one day you stop and it all catches up to you.  This week I have had a few people over to our house for coffee.  I found myself no longer running around frantically trying to clean everything up before they arrived.  This house is where my family lives and this is what life looks like.  My bathrooms haven't been cleaned in longer than I am willing to admit, there are random puzzle pieces scattered around the floor, there is certainly a diaper laying in the hallway, and my bedroom is cluttered with laundry baskets that will (lets be honest) probably sit there until all the clothes are worn and have to be washed again.  Then there is the Christmas tree in the basement..... it cost $30 new.  Yep, imagine how that looks.  If you are imagining a short, spindly, sparse and very fake looking tree, you are indeed correct.  Not only that but there are colored lights on it!  I swore I would never EVER have colored lights in my house.  But, my little girl looked at me one day and asked why we didn't have any pretty colored lights.  Then she asked me if she could please help me decorate the tree.  We now have a spindly, multicolored, mismatched tree in the corner of our basement and you know what? I love it.  Don't get me wrong, I think it is super ugly however, when I look at that tree I don't think about how unappealing it is to the eye.  I think about the smile on my little girl's face when I plugged in the lights and all the colors filled her eyes.  This evening when I went to unplug that three I couldn't help but smile because when I saw it I was reminded that two little children I love more than life itself are the reason that tree is there.

Earlier today I was given a late birthday present.  I was given an afternoon by myself with some shopping money.  At first I was over the moon excited because, as much as I love my kids, I needed a bit of time to myself.  I went to a few stores and tried on some things but the more I shopped the more miserable I felt.  When I first got married we had two incomes so when we wanted something we just went out and bought it because the money was there.  Since we have had our three kids I no longer work and so we have to budget one income to cover the expenses of living in the city and having three kids.  Money has been tight and we often cannot go and purchase many of the things we would like to.  As a result, my wardrobe has been shrinking at a considerable rate and I was really excited for the opportunity to replenish it and maybe even feel in style for once.  As I walked though store after store I was over whelmed.  Do I buy some shoes or do I buy clothes?  Do I buy casual clothes since that's what I live in these days or am I only living in casual clothes because I do not have anything else?  My head was swimming and by the end of three hours I had one $12 item.  All of a sudden I just wanted to be home.  I got back in my vehicle and a few minutes later I walked in my front door.  As I walked in I heard my little boy excitedly yell that he was a jack-in-the-box and I saw my baby boy sitting comfortably on Grandma's lap.  I saw lego scattered on one side of the room and I saw books scattered on the coffee table.  I felt like I was exactly where I belonged.  I picked up my little boy and squeezed him tight and I realized that he didn't care what I was wearing..... in that moment neither did I.  I realize that this sounds like a very dramatic response to a simple shopping trip but I think it was simply God speaking to my heart to remind me what is important.  I think it was His way to help me find my way back to the blessings I often take for granted.  I will eventually go back to the mall and I will spend that money because, lets face it, I'm a girl and I do like nice shiny new clothes but that's not what I needed on this day. 

As I scroll through Facebook and look at all the pictures of people's beautifully decorated homes and yummy Christmas baking I am reminded that I don't have to feel inadequate when I compare myself to other people.  So, please, keep posting those lovely pictures because I enjoy getting a peak at your wonderful skills in the kitchen and I love being able to sneak a peak at your creative holiday traditions but this year is going to be a little different.  This year I will celebrate with you but I will not be trying to keep up to you because this year I will be sitting in the Christmas cookie-less colored glow of that Christmas tree counting my blessings because..... those blessings have changed me.