One of Those Days

Have you ever had one of those days that just beats you up?  Those days when your toddler seems to yell about everything.  Those days when your big kid does something to make you burst into tears and then giggles.  Those days when your baby doesn't want to nap or decides to wake up from his nap when you are in the middle of something you have been trying to get to for weeks. Those days when you cannot even go to the bathroom without someone coming in and asking you for something. Those days when you are trying to clean the house and it seems to be getting dirtier as you are working.  Those days when you realize that you have much to do and have no idea how you are going to get it done.  Those days when you feel like everyone's servant.  Those days when you are frustrated and take it out over the phone on your spouse who is at work and who really hasn't done anything wrong.  Those days when you realize you haven't been out without your kids for weeks.  Those days when you feel invisible.

I love being a mom.  I love being a wife.  I count it a huge blessing that I get to stay home with my kids.  But some days I feel like I have somehow lost myself.  On days like this there is only so much I can do about it.  I cannot leave and sit peacefully at Starbucks by myself.  I cannot ignore the needs of the three little people living in my house.  I cannot demand that my husband come home from work and help me.  The only thing I can do is pick myself off the floor, wipe the tears away, take a big breath, say a prayer of desperation, and keep going.  I'll keep going because, even though I feel like I have lost myself, one thing I have not lost is the freedom to choose happiness in moments that otherwise can be overwhelming.  I can do it.  And, if you ever find yourself in a moment like this, you can do it too.

Epic Christmas Fail

I had this fantastic idea to make a gingerbread nativity with the kids this year.  I bought a cookie cutter set that included a star, wise men, shepherds, Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus, a manger, an angel, and some animals.  I was super excited about it.  I stayed up late last night making all the cookies plus pieces to construct a stable.  This afternoon I assembled the manger and it was a bit rickety but I made it work..... then the candy came.  There is a very good reason I am not an architect or an engineer.........



Notice my initial structural supports made out of wooden skewers....

Those supports did not hold.....

..... and the carnage :(

So, things definitely did not go as planned.  The whole stable collapsed (luckily L saved the baby Jesus) and in the chaos FAR TOO MUCH candy was consumed leading to a chaotic evening with children high on a sugar rush followed by the inevitable sugar crash.  But, I have to say it was all worth it.  I don't think we have laughed that hard in a long time.

We tried to still salvage the cookie characters but in hindsight some more thought should have gone into the candy purchasing.  It is now just a mass of red and green.  You probably cannot tell but the picture below is of Mary and Joseph beside baby Jesus with some animals to the left and two wise men on the right.  And, yes, the wise men are being held up by a blue plastic bowl.



Baby Jesus in his manger surrounded by smarties and various other red and green candy.

So, next time you buy a gingerbread kit at the store and wonder why the pieces are so rock hard that you cannot even bite into them, remember this epic gingerbread fail. 

Merry Christmas!

It Started With A Tree

I am amazed at how life changes once you have kids.  Every parents finds themselves rudely awakened to the practical parts of life that change like unpredictable nights, how much diapers cost, loosing the ability to be truly spontaneous.  I could go on and on and on but today I'm thinking about something a little different than just the obvious changes.  I'm thinking about those changes that occur so subtly that you don't even know they are happening until one day you stop and it all catches up to you.  This week I have had a few people over to our house for coffee.  I found myself no longer running around frantically trying to clean everything up before they arrived.  This house is where my family lives and this is what life looks like.  My bathrooms haven't been cleaned in longer than I am willing to admit, there are random puzzle pieces scattered around the floor, there is certainly a diaper laying in the hallway, and my bedroom is cluttered with laundry baskets that will (lets be honest) probably sit there until all the clothes are worn and have to be washed again.  Then there is the Christmas tree in the basement..... it cost $30 new.  Yep, imagine how that looks.  If you are imagining a short, spindly, sparse and very fake looking tree, you are indeed correct.  Not only that but there are colored lights on it!  I swore I would never EVER have colored lights in my house.  But, my little girl looked at me one day and asked why we didn't have any pretty colored lights.  Then she asked me if she could please help me decorate the tree.  We now have a spindly, multicolored, mismatched tree in the corner of our basement and you know what? I love it.  Don't get me wrong, I think it is super ugly however, when I look at that tree I don't think about how unappealing it is to the eye.  I think about the smile on my little girl's face when I plugged in the lights and all the colors filled her eyes.  This evening when I went to unplug that three I couldn't help but smile because when I saw it I was reminded that two little children I love more than life itself are the reason that tree is there.

Earlier today I was given a late birthday present.  I was given an afternoon by myself with some shopping money.  At first I was over the moon excited because, as much as I love my kids, I needed a bit of time to myself.  I went to a few stores and tried on some things but the more I shopped the more miserable I felt.  When I first got married we had two incomes so when we wanted something we just went out and bought it because the money was there.  Since we have had our three kids I no longer work and so we have to budget one income to cover the expenses of living in the city and having three kids.  Money has been tight and we often cannot go and purchase many of the things we would like to.  As a result, my wardrobe has been shrinking at a considerable rate and I was really excited for the opportunity to replenish it and maybe even feel in style for once.  As I walked though store after store I was over whelmed.  Do I buy some shoes or do I buy clothes?  Do I buy casual clothes since that's what I live in these days or am I only living in casual clothes because I do not have anything else?  My head was swimming and by the end of three hours I had one $12 item.  All of a sudden I just wanted to be home.  I got back in my vehicle and a few minutes later I walked in my front door.  As I walked in I heard my little boy excitedly yell that he was a jack-in-the-box and I saw my baby boy sitting comfortably on Grandma's lap.  I saw lego scattered on one side of the room and I saw books scattered on the coffee table.  I felt like I was exactly where I belonged.  I picked up my little boy and squeezed him tight and I realized that he didn't care what I was wearing..... in that moment neither did I.  I realize that this sounds like a very dramatic response to a simple shopping trip but I think it was simply God speaking to my heart to remind me what is important.  I think it was His way to help me find my way back to the blessings I often take for granted.  I will eventually go back to the mall and I will spend that money because, lets face it, I'm a girl and I do like nice shiny new clothes but that's not what I needed on this day. 

As I scroll through Facebook and look at all the pictures of people's beautifully decorated homes and yummy Christmas baking I am reminded that I don't have to feel inadequate when I compare myself to other people.  So, please, keep posting those lovely pictures because I enjoy getting a peak at your wonderful skills in the kitchen and I love being able to sneak a peak at your creative holiday traditions but this year is going to be a little different.  This year I will celebrate with you but I will not be trying to keep up to you because this year I will be sitting in the Christmas cookie-less colored glow of that Christmas tree counting my blessings because..... those blessings have changed me.

It's Tough Being a Parent

I doubt there is anyone in the world who wouldn't agree that being a parent is the toughest job in the world.  Everyday you need to learn and adapt.  It tests your patience and it calls out your selfishness.  There is never a moment that your child isn't on your mind and that alone is exhausting.  You have to fight with your mind to not think about all the things that could go wrong.  You have to trust that God is there to take care of your kids when you cannot.  Everyday you are asked questions that you have no idea how to answer but you have a little face staring at you waiting for the endless knowledge that you are supposed to have.  On the bad days you find yourself holding your child wondering if it is time to take them to the hospital and on the worst days you find yourself holding them wondering if what they faced that day will haunt them for years to come.  Sometimes it is stressful figuring out what type of first aid to administer to the latest boo boo and sometimes it is terrify trying to explain why those kids laughed at them and broke their little heart.  Then there are the moments when you have to explain things like pain, abuse, and death to little minds that cannot stay innocent forever.  Why are my friend's mommy and daddy not living together anymore?  Why do I need to stay away from strangers?  What does it mean when someone dies?  Why did those girls laugh at me? 

Sometimes being a parent means having your heart screaming at the world wondering why.  Why does life sometimes hurt?  Why don't I have the answers for all the questions my kids ask?  Why do I sometimes feel overwhelmed?  Why do I always seem too busy to enjoy the moments that keep passing away far too quickly?  Why can't this parenting thing be easier? ..........

........ Am I a good mother?

To all the moms out there who do not have it all together, yes, you are a good mother.  A good mother loves her kids.  A good mother has sleepless nights wondering about her kids.  A good mother gets food on the table even if it is mac and cheese for the fifth time this week.  A good mother hugs her kids when they need it.  A good mother sometimes has to tell her kids that she does not have the answer to their question.  A good mother doesn't always have everything on her Pinterest page completed ;)  A good mother simply. loves. her. kids.

What prompted this?  A car ride.

T:  Mommy, I dropped by airplane!
Me: Sorry buddy but you will have to wait until we get home cause mommy can't get it while we drive.
L: Here T, you can have my teddy bear.
T: (takes the bear and snuggles it close)
L: Mommy, I gave T my bear because sometimes it is better to think about others before yourself.  Look how happy my brother looks, Mommy. (big smile on her face)
Me: (tears) 

Perhaps I might be a good mom after all..... I bet you are too.

Purge 2013: Part 2

I have now tackled and conquered the kids bedroom closets.  Oh my, it feels very good.  I took out all the clothes that no longer fit T and packed them away for T2.  I decided to try something new.  Instead of putting the clothes in boxes marked 0-12 months or 12-24 months I decided to instead put the clothes in boxes marked sleepers, shirts and pants.  This way when I dig though the pile of pants to find all the 6-12 month pants I know that once I reach a pair that is 18 months I don't have to dig any further.  Does that make sense?  I think this will work much better than sorting through boxes of assorted clothing items.  In addition to this, I also sorted all the clothes that are too small on L and T2 and packed them away in boxes to bring to the consignment store.  I am quickly realizing that three kids can get a bit expensive so I am going to try and make some of my money back from their clothing and baby items that T2 is quickly growing out of.  It feels so good to know that once T2 is done with something I can get it out of my house rather than having to store it for an indefinite amount of time.  That is the ultimate purge :)

So, here's a little sneak at the closet organizing.  I could not bring myself to take pics of what they looked like before I cleaned them so you will have to just take me at my word when I tell you that this look WAY better.

First is L and T's closet.  I must admit that it looks pretty tidy because most of their clothes are in the dirty laundry basket.


Summer clothes are packed away in a box.  Also, each of the kids have a Memory Box that we put special things in that we think they will want to have one day when they are all grown up.


Next is T2's closet.  This little boy has a lot of clothes.



I know that I already posted about the basement but I didn't get good "after" pics.  So, here is before...


.... and here is after.

Another before.....

 

..... and after :)



Yellow Day

I had a superstar mom moment this morning. That's right, I was a superstar.  I figure I spend so much time and energy feeling like I never quite get the mom thing right that I decided to take a moment and celebrate that I did good. 

Today was yellow day in L's kindergarten class.  This morning she decided to stay in her pj's until about 11:30 (she is in afternoon kindergarten).  When she went to get dressed she realized that none of her clothes are yellow.  Seriously, none of them!  So we went on a hunt for something yellow to wear.  We were coming up empty until, out of desperation, we decided to look through my drawers.  Well, I did indeed have a yellow shirt however, a medium adult shirt is beyond big on a thin five year old.  So, I got out the old needle and thread.  With 20 minutes to work I managed to alter the shirt to make it look kinda like a little dress.  Not too bad.  And L was thrilled :)

I thought the back looked super cute!

The Great Purge of 2013

I will admit that I am a bit of an organization addict.  When our house is organized and tidy I feel at peace.  Well, with three kids I am finding that it is getting very cluttered around here.  Christmas is right around the corner and with our wonderfully generous families living so close that means more toys, books, games, and clothes will be entering our home in about a month and a half.  So, I have decided that this year, before I put up any Christmas decorations, I am going to do a big household purge.  I am getting rid of anything and everything that has not been used in the last few months and I am organizing everything that is staying.  Is it sick that I am SOOOO looking forward to doing this and consider it really fun??

So, I started this epic journey on Friday with our basement.  Because we live in a split level house we only have half a basement and it is divided into two parts: the playroom and the laundry/storage room.  I started with the playroom (mostly because I am actually a little afraid of the storage room).  It was the perfect time since the playroom was an absolute disaster.  L helped me sort though the toys and decided what to keep and what to give away.  I must say that I am very proud of the way she does not hang onto things.  She was more than willing to part with toys she hasn't played with in a while.  In fact, she was so good at it that I had to convince her to keep a few things.  That kid has such an amazing heart to share her things with kids who don't have toys or clothing (more on that in another post).  So, after an entire day of cleaning, here is the final outcome.


Before

After

Under the stairs closet before



After :)

So the basement cleaning led to cleaning the kitchen office area.  This area seems to always be a disaster since we just dump stuff on the desk.  Hopefully I have now created a space for things that normally just sit all over the place.

Before.....

 

.....and after :)

So, that was the first installment of the great purge week.  Oh, ya, did I mention that I'm going to attempt to do all of this in a week :)  So excited!