Between A Rock And A Hard Place

Being overdue is very interesting.  Every second of every day I know that I could go into labour.  Every little ping and pang in my body causes me to stop and wonder if the time has finally come.  I did go into labour by myself with our first little one but everyone keeps telling me that every labour is different.  I sure hope they are right cause my first labour was horrible!  When it started I had not slept in over 24 hours, then the labour took 20 hours, the epidural did not work, and it took 2.5 hours to push that little girl out in the middle of the night.  This time around, I am hoping to go into labour after a good nights sleep, have the epidural take away all my pain, and push this baby out in 30 minutes or less.  Ok, perhaps my expectations are a bit unrealistic but I need that dream to keep me from having a panic attack.

Yesterday I was pretty exhausted.  I have not been sleeping well and the bigger this baby gets, the worse the acid reflux becomes.  Yesterday the reflux was so bad that I felt like throwing up all day long.  By the time 5:00pm rolled around, I was done.  My wonderful husband stepped in for me and got our kid fed, bathed and into bed while I layed down on the couch feeling sorry for myself.  During the evening I had a startling revelation...... either I keeping being pregnant and become more and more uncomfortable or I go into painful labour.  Talk about a rock and a hard place!  The worst part of it is that I HAVE NO CONTROL over it.  Grrrrrrrrrr, I hate having no control.  I am a control monster.  I must have my house clean and organized at all times or I get very grumpy.  Poor Mr. Wonderful (aka my husband) cannot leave anything laying around without me attacking him.  Labour makes me so anxious because I cannot dictate exactly how it will go.  It seems a little unfair.  If I have to go through something that painful, shouldn't I get some say in how it will go?  Hmmmm,  perhaps this is one of those things that I just have to leave in God's hands.  One of the biggest curses of being a control freak is that giving God control is REALLY hard.  Could going into labour be a teachable moment between God and I?  Hmmmmm, there's a perspective that I haven't had before.......