One of Those Days

Have you ever had one of those days that just beats you up?  Those days when your toddler seems to yell about everything.  Those days when your big kid does something to make you burst into tears and then giggles.  Those days when your baby doesn't want to nap or decides to wake up from his nap when you are in the middle of something you have been trying to get to for weeks. Those days when you cannot even go to the bathroom without someone coming in and asking you for something. Those days when you are trying to clean the house and it seems to be getting dirtier as you are working.  Those days when you realize that you have much to do and have no idea how you are going to get it done.  Those days when you feel like everyone's servant.  Those days when you are frustrated and take it out over the phone on your spouse who is at work and who really hasn't done anything wrong.  Those days when you realize you haven't been out without your kids for weeks.  Those days when you feel invisible.

I love being a mom.  I love being a wife.  I count it a huge blessing that I get to stay home with my kids.  But some days I feel like I have somehow lost myself.  On days like this there is only so much I can do about it.  I cannot leave and sit peacefully at Starbucks by myself.  I cannot ignore the needs of the three little people living in my house.  I cannot demand that my husband come home from work and help me.  The only thing I can do is pick myself off the floor, wipe the tears away, take a big breath, say a prayer of desperation, and keep going.  I'll keep going because, even though I feel like I have lost myself, one thing I have not lost is the freedom to choose happiness in moments that otherwise can be overwhelming.  I can do it.  And, if you ever find yourself in a moment like this, you can do it too.

Epic Christmas Fail

I had this fantastic idea to make a gingerbread nativity with the kids this year.  I bought a cookie cutter set that included a star, wise men, shepherds, Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus, a manger, an angel, and some animals.  I was super excited about it.  I stayed up late last night making all the cookies plus pieces to construct a stable.  This afternoon I assembled the manger and it was a bit rickety but I made it work..... then the candy came.  There is a very good reason I am not an architect or an engineer.........



Notice my initial structural supports made out of wooden skewers....

Those supports did not hold.....

..... and the carnage :(

So, things definitely did not go as planned.  The whole stable collapsed (luckily L saved the baby Jesus) and in the chaos FAR TOO MUCH candy was consumed leading to a chaotic evening with children high on a sugar rush followed by the inevitable sugar crash.  But, I have to say it was all worth it.  I don't think we have laughed that hard in a long time.

We tried to still salvage the cookie characters but in hindsight some more thought should have gone into the candy purchasing.  It is now just a mass of red and green.  You probably cannot tell but the picture below is of Mary and Joseph beside baby Jesus with some animals to the left and two wise men on the right.  And, yes, the wise men are being held up by a blue plastic bowl.



Baby Jesus in his manger surrounded by smarties and various other red and green candy.

So, next time you buy a gingerbread kit at the store and wonder why the pieces are so rock hard that you cannot even bite into them, remember this epic gingerbread fail. 

Merry Christmas!

It Started With A Tree

I am amazed at how life changes once you have kids.  Every parents finds themselves rudely awakened to the practical parts of life that change like unpredictable nights, how much diapers cost, loosing the ability to be truly spontaneous.  I could go on and on and on but today I'm thinking about something a little different than just the obvious changes.  I'm thinking about those changes that occur so subtly that you don't even know they are happening until one day you stop and it all catches up to you.  This week I have had a few people over to our house for coffee.  I found myself no longer running around frantically trying to clean everything up before they arrived.  This house is where my family lives and this is what life looks like.  My bathrooms haven't been cleaned in longer than I am willing to admit, there are random puzzle pieces scattered around the floor, there is certainly a diaper laying in the hallway, and my bedroom is cluttered with laundry baskets that will (lets be honest) probably sit there until all the clothes are worn and have to be washed again.  Then there is the Christmas tree in the basement..... it cost $30 new.  Yep, imagine how that looks.  If you are imagining a short, spindly, sparse and very fake looking tree, you are indeed correct.  Not only that but there are colored lights on it!  I swore I would never EVER have colored lights in my house.  But, my little girl looked at me one day and asked why we didn't have any pretty colored lights.  Then she asked me if she could please help me decorate the tree.  We now have a spindly, multicolored, mismatched tree in the corner of our basement and you know what? I love it.  Don't get me wrong, I think it is super ugly however, when I look at that tree I don't think about how unappealing it is to the eye.  I think about the smile on my little girl's face when I plugged in the lights and all the colors filled her eyes.  This evening when I went to unplug that three I couldn't help but smile because when I saw it I was reminded that two little children I love more than life itself are the reason that tree is there.

Earlier today I was given a late birthday present.  I was given an afternoon by myself with some shopping money.  At first I was over the moon excited because, as much as I love my kids, I needed a bit of time to myself.  I went to a few stores and tried on some things but the more I shopped the more miserable I felt.  When I first got married we had two incomes so when we wanted something we just went out and bought it because the money was there.  Since we have had our three kids I no longer work and so we have to budget one income to cover the expenses of living in the city and having three kids.  Money has been tight and we often cannot go and purchase many of the things we would like to.  As a result, my wardrobe has been shrinking at a considerable rate and I was really excited for the opportunity to replenish it and maybe even feel in style for once.  As I walked though store after store I was over whelmed.  Do I buy some shoes or do I buy clothes?  Do I buy casual clothes since that's what I live in these days or am I only living in casual clothes because I do not have anything else?  My head was swimming and by the end of three hours I had one $12 item.  All of a sudden I just wanted to be home.  I got back in my vehicle and a few minutes later I walked in my front door.  As I walked in I heard my little boy excitedly yell that he was a jack-in-the-box and I saw my baby boy sitting comfortably on Grandma's lap.  I saw lego scattered on one side of the room and I saw books scattered on the coffee table.  I felt like I was exactly where I belonged.  I picked up my little boy and squeezed him tight and I realized that he didn't care what I was wearing..... in that moment neither did I.  I realize that this sounds like a very dramatic response to a simple shopping trip but I think it was simply God speaking to my heart to remind me what is important.  I think it was His way to help me find my way back to the blessings I often take for granted.  I will eventually go back to the mall and I will spend that money because, lets face it, I'm a girl and I do like nice shiny new clothes but that's not what I needed on this day. 

As I scroll through Facebook and look at all the pictures of people's beautifully decorated homes and yummy Christmas baking I am reminded that I don't have to feel inadequate when I compare myself to other people.  So, please, keep posting those lovely pictures because I enjoy getting a peak at your wonderful skills in the kitchen and I love being able to sneak a peak at your creative holiday traditions but this year is going to be a little different.  This year I will celebrate with you but I will not be trying to keep up to you because this year I will be sitting in the Christmas cookie-less colored glow of that Christmas tree counting my blessings because..... those blessings have changed me.

It's Tough Being a Parent

I doubt there is anyone in the world who wouldn't agree that being a parent is the toughest job in the world.  Everyday you need to learn and adapt.  It tests your patience and it calls out your selfishness.  There is never a moment that your child isn't on your mind and that alone is exhausting.  You have to fight with your mind to not think about all the things that could go wrong.  You have to trust that God is there to take care of your kids when you cannot.  Everyday you are asked questions that you have no idea how to answer but you have a little face staring at you waiting for the endless knowledge that you are supposed to have.  On the bad days you find yourself holding your child wondering if it is time to take them to the hospital and on the worst days you find yourself holding them wondering if what they faced that day will haunt them for years to come.  Sometimes it is stressful figuring out what type of first aid to administer to the latest boo boo and sometimes it is terrify trying to explain why those kids laughed at them and broke their little heart.  Then there are the moments when you have to explain things like pain, abuse, and death to little minds that cannot stay innocent forever.  Why are my friend's mommy and daddy not living together anymore?  Why do I need to stay away from strangers?  What does it mean when someone dies?  Why did those girls laugh at me? 

Sometimes being a parent means having your heart screaming at the world wondering why.  Why does life sometimes hurt?  Why don't I have the answers for all the questions my kids ask?  Why do I sometimes feel overwhelmed?  Why do I always seem too busy to enjoy the moments that keep passing away far too quickly?  Why can't this parenting thing be easier? ..........

........ Am I a good mother?

To all the moms out there who do not have it all together, yes, you are a good mother.  A good mother loves her kids.  A good mother has sleepless nights wondering about her kids.  A good mother gets food on the table even if it is mac and cheese for the fifth time this week.  A good mother hugs her kids when they need it.  A good mother sometimes has to tell her kids that she does not have the answer to their question.  A good mother doesn't always have everything on her Pinterest page completed ;)  A good mother simply. loves. her. kids.

What prompted this?  A car ride.

T:  Mommy, I dropped by airplane!
Me: Sorry buddy but you will have to wait until we get home cause mommy can't get it while we drive.
L: Here T, you can have my teddy bear.
T: (takes the bear and snuggles it close)
L: Mommy, I gave T my bear because sometimes it is better to think about others before yourself.  Look how happy my brother looks, Mommy. (big smile on her face)
Me: (tears) 

Perhaps I might be a good mom after all..... I bet you are too.

Purge 2013: Part 2

I have now tackled and conquered the kids bedroom closets.  Oh my, it feels very good.  I took out all the clothes that no longer fit T and packed them away for T2.  I decided to try something new.  Instead of putting the clothes in boxes marked 0-12 months or 12-24 months I decided to instead put the clothes in boxes marked sleepers, shirts and pants.  This way when I dig though the pile of pants to find all the 6-12 month pants I know that once I reach a pair that is 18 months I don't have to dig any further.  Does that make sense?  I think this will work much better than sorting through boxes of assorted clothing items.  In addition to this, I also sorted all the clothes that are too small on L and T2 and packed them away in boxes to bring to the consignment store.  I am quickly realizing that three kids can get a bit expensive so I am going to try and make some of my money back from their clothing and baby items that T2 is quickly growing out of.  It feels so good to know that once T2 is done with something I can get it out of my house rather than having to store it for an indefinite amount of time.  That is the ultimate purge :)

So, here's a little sneak at the closet organizing.  I could not bring myself to take pics of what they looked like before I cleaned them so you will have to just take me at my word when I tell you that this look WAY better.

First is L and T's closet.  I must admit that it looks pretty tidy because most of their clothes are in the dirty laundry basket.


Summer clothes are packed away in a box.  Also, each of the kids have a Memory Box that we put special things in that we think they will want to have one day when they are all grown up.


Next is T2's closet.  This little boy has a lot of clothes.



I know that I already posted about the basement but I didn't get good "after" pics.  So, here is before...


.... and here is after.

Another before.....

 

..... and after :)



Yellow Day

I had a superstar mom moment this morning. That's right, I was a superstar.  I figure I spend so much time and energy feeling like I never quite get the mom thing right that I decided to take a moment and celebrate that I did good. 

Today was yellow day in L's kindergarten class.  This morning she decided to stay in her pj's until about 11:30 (she is in afternoon kindergarten).  When she went to get dressed she realized that none of her clothes are yellow.  Seriously, none of them!  So we went on a hunt for something yellow to wear.  We were coming up empty until, out of desperation, we decided to look through my drawers.  Well, I did indeed have a yellow shirt however, a medium adult shirt is beyond big on a thin five year old.  So, I got out the old needle and thread.  With 20 minutes to work I managed to alter the shirt to make it look kinda like a little dress.  Not too bad.  And L was thrilled :)

I thought the back looked super cute!

The Great Purge of 2013

I will admit that I am a bit of an organization addict.  When our house is organized and tidy I feel at peace.  Well, with three kids I am finding that it is getting very cluttered around here.  Christmas is right around the corner and with our wonderfully generous families living so close that means more toys, books, games, and clothes will be entering our home in about a month and a half.  So, I have decided that this year, before I put up any Christmas decorations, I am going to do a big household purge.  I am getting rid of anything and everything that has not been used in the last few months and I am organizing everything that is staying.  Is it sick that I am SOOOO looking forward to doing this and consider it really fun??

So, I started this epic journey on Friday with our basement.  Because we live in a split level house we only have half a basement and it is divided into two parts: the playroom and the laundry/storage room.  I started with the playroom (mostly because I am actually a little afraid of the storage room).  It was the perfect time since the playroom was an absolute disaster.  L helped me sort though the toys and decided what to keep and what to give away.  I must say that I am very proud of the way she does not hang onto things.  She was more than willing to part with toys she hasn't played with in a while.  In fact, she was so good at it that I had to convince her to keep a few things.  That kid has such an amazing heart to share her things with kids who don't have toys or clothing (more on that in another post).  So, after an entire day of cleaning, here is the final outcome.


Before

After

Under the stairs closet before



After :)

So the basement cleaning led to cleaning the kitchen office area.  This area seems to always be a disaster since we just dump stuff on the desk.  Hopefully I have now created a space for things that normally just sit all over the place.

Before.....

 

.....and after :)

So, that was the first installment of the great purge week.  Oh, ya, did I mention that I'm going to attempt to do all of this in a week :)  So excited! 

The Darkness

This time of year is often difficult for me.  I do not do well with the days becoming shorter and nighttime feeling endless.  Darkness at dinner time and darkness at breakfast.  I often joke about wanting to live in a glass box because I love the sunshine so much.  The darkness was never my friend but I really began to notice it when L was born.  She was born early October and she was very colicky.  She would cry all day and all night.  I would pace in her nursery holding her all night long and cry my eyes out.  During the day I could handle it but as soon as the sun started to go down I would get a strong sense of dread that would come over me and I would begin to shake, feel like I was going to vomit, and, of course, start to cry.  That was probably one of the most difficult times of my life.  When baby #3 was born at the beginning of September this year I began to feel that feeling all over again.  T2 has been a very good baby since he was born but when you are tired and you have no idea what your night is going to look like and you have two other kids who are going to wake up bright and early the next morning, you can't help but feel a little fearful.  Thankfully this time that dreadful feeling passing by the time T2 was only about three weeks old.  I don't know if it was just because I was able to fall into motherhood easier since it was the third time or if it was just a result of a lot of prayer but I am SOOO thankful that feeling is a thing of the past.  So, this year I have decided to embrace the darkness and look for some positives in it.  This is what I have come up with so far.

10 Reasons to Enjoy Short Winter Days
1. The kids no longer wake up at 5:00AM with the summer sunshine.
2. You can trick the kids into going to bed early.  This will probably only work a little while longer since I'm sure L is going to be able to tell time very soon.
3. Sitting by the fire is much cosier with the flames glow in the darkness.
4. Oh, Christmas Tree.  Nothing like the twinkle of a Christmas tree in the darkness.
5. Along those same lines, the outdoors look so incredibly beautiful when all the Christmas lights are up on the houses.  We are fortunate to live on a street where lots of people put up Christmas lights on their houses and outdoor trees :)
6. Romantic cuddles.  Come on now, cuddles on the couch with the hubby do seem a little more romantic when the lights are dimmed. *wink, wink*
7. Snow falling.  There are few things more beautiful than watching the snow fall under a streetlight.  I will admit that the beauty is lost if it is still happening in April.
8. Cosy sweaters.  A warm winter sweater seems so much more comfy when worn on a cool, dark winter evening.... plus it will cover that left over baby belly still hanging around ;)
9. Skating.  Ooooooh, I LOVE ice skating on a winter evening.  The twinkling snow and the strange muted silence that the snow brings.  Perhaps I am a little biased to ice skating since that is how my hubby proposed 10 years ago :)
10. Snow.  If you don't live in a place with snow then you might not know what it is like to walk outside on a winter night when the moon is shining and it feels almost as light as day as its light reflects off of the snow.  It is at that moment that it truly feels like a winter wonderland.

So, on these ever increasingly shorter days be encouraged that there are reasons to enjoy the darkness.

Dear Moms,

Dear mom who is eagerly awaiting her baby's arrival, get as much sleep as you can and go out on as many dates as you can with your husband.

Dear mom who is feeling those first labour pains, remember that it only lasts a day and you will be holding your baby in your arms and he will be even more beautiful that you have imagined.

Dear mom who is getting ready to leave the hospital, don't worry, you will do fine.

Dear mom who is awake in the middle of the night for the 6th time, you are not the only one awake right now.  All over the city there are other moms up feeling the same thing you are.  Take a few minutes and pray for all of them.

Dear mom who is struggling with breastfeeding, hang in there, it does not always come naturally and yes, it can hurt.

Dear mom who is not able to breastfeed, welcome to the club.  You are not the only one.  Your baby is still loved and will still grow up to be a wonderful person regardless of how he was fed.

Dear mom who tears up every time you hear the phrase "breast is best".  Sometimes it's not.  Let the guilt go.

Dear mom who's baby is screaming all the time, again, welcome to the club.  I've been there and I can promise you that it will eventually get better.  Remember, your baby loves you but she is unsettled in this new world she has found herself in.

Dear mom who's friends are all telling you how to get your baby on a sleep schedule.  Do what feels right for you and your baby.  Schedules are good, but not at the expense of your sanity.  Just survive those first few weeks without putting extra pressure on yourself.

Dear mom who feels like crying all the time, we all feel like that.  A human being just came out of you!  Don't be afraid to share how you feel with other moms because we all want to be there to support you.  If you feel like you need some help, there is no shame in asking for it. 

Dear mom who feels like your life was abruptly taken away from you, go ahead and mourn that old life.  It will never be the same.  But, once you are done, embrace this new life you have because it too will be wonderful even if it doesn't seem like it right now.

Dear mom who feels like you have no idea what you are doing, welcome to motherhood ;)  You will most likely spend the next few decades feeling like you are making things up as you go but don't worry, eventually you get used to that feeling ;)

Being a mom is hard but it is also the most amazing journey you will take in life.

Our first family picture.  Not the most flattering but it was a monumental moment.  Our family finally feels complete :)

The End of an Era

I am so happy that L is enjoying her first week in kindergarten.  She is so ready for it!  I am very proud of the little girl she has become and I can't wait to see how so grows and matures throughout the school year.  However, as I watched her walk into the doors of the school this week the reality of what was happening hit me like a ton of bricks.  When she walked in those doors it truly was the end of an era.  It's the end of my time as a mom with little kids.  We are no longer in the toddler years with endless days of play dates and naps and we are no longer in the preschool years with school only two mornings a week.  We are now in the school days with school every single day..... for the next 12 years.  Our schedule is no longer our own.  We can no longer take the entire day and do whatever we feel like.  I do love schedules and the stability they provide however, until this week, I made the schedule, not someone else.  Life is truly moving on and my kids really are growing up.  It makes me tear up a little.... or a lot.  I found myself several times this week wanting to yell, "Stop!  Time, stop moving forward so quickly! Let me go back, slow down and truly enjoy those years just like everyone told me to.  I took it for granted that I would have endless days to enjoy.  I wished them away too fast!" But, no matter how much or how loudly I yell, Time stops for no one.  It's time to pick up those broken pieces of my heart and put them back together again so that I can soak up this stage of life so I don't miss any more than I feel like I already have.

First day of Kindergarten

L beside her apple tree

Craving Indulged!

When I am pregnant I have cravings and then I have what I like to call "insanity" cravings.  You may know what I am talking about.  It's the type of craving that you absolutely, positively cannot shake.  Oh, who am I kidding?!  I get these cravings regardless of whether or not I am pregnant I just feel a little less guilty indulging them when I have a tiny human growing in me to blame it on ;)  Today's craving took four hours trying to satisfy.  This is how I spent my entire evening.  These amazingly delicious beauties took four hours to make but they were SOOOOO worth it!  If you find yourself with a craving for such deliciousness, here is the link to the recipe ;)  If you want some now, you better get over to my house quick because these are not going to last long!



Photo from the blog "From Here To Paris"

The Big Reveal - The Kiddo's New Bedroom

 
 
I am thrilled to say that the kids' bedroom is FINALLY finished!  Woooo, hoooo!  The hold up has been their bedding.  I've been looking at the material for their duvet covers for months and months and just never had the energy to do it.  Thankfully, I have some German stubbornness in me and this week I decided that no matter how tired I am or how sore my back is (that may be another post in the near future) I was going to get them done this week.  And, I did it!  So, here's their new room.

 

 

I wanted to make a room that was girly yet masculine enough for a little boy as well.  Somewhere along the way I got my mind stuck on the kids having chevron duvet covers.  I could not find what I had in mind anywhere and when I found something close to what I wanted it was WAY out of my price range.  So, after ranting on Facebook about it, a friend of mine sent me a link to making your own chevron duvet cover.  Since the kids beds are single beds and I wanted the print to be quite large the quilts were actually pretty easy to make.  A little time consuming but easy.

The room is SUPER small so I had to get creative to fit both kids plus their clothes into this one little room.  I found some awesome plastic bins at Wal-Mart that slide nicely under the bottom bunk.  We use one for T's diapers and the other two are for dirt clothes since there is no room in the closet for hampers.

That brings me to the closet.  It is also pretty small and there is no room for a dresser anywhere else in the room.  Again, had to get creative.  I was planning on buying a closet organizer but then I found cube shelves on sale at Home Depot.  They fit PERFECTLY into the closet without an inch to spare.  Half of the cubes are for L and half are for T.  We already had the upper shelves and closet bar in that closet so half become L's and half became T's.  Each cube holds a different article of clothing (ie, t-shirts in one, long sleeves in one, pants in one, shorts in one, etc....).  Underwear and socks go in baskets on top of the shelves for now.

L loves books and we have a lot, so yet another cube shelf is out in the room to hold books as well as to be the shelf for the CD player and basket containing CD's, Bible, and T's soothers (yes, he still has soothers).

Then on the wall I wanted each kid to have some space of their own.  So, L's space has some old pics from my room when I was a little girl as well as a painting that our pastor's wife painted for me when I was born.  T's space has a hockey picture from his aunt and uncle and some cars.  I still need to get a letter T for his wall space.

 

 

So, that is the kiddos' new room.  I think it turned out pretty cute and they sure do seem to love it :)

 

This was the kids art project during the winter.  I taped their initials onto canvas and let them paint (clearly I helped T).  Then when the paint was dry we took the tape off.  They turned out really well.

Learning to Make A Difference

A few months ago L was watching commercials during some morning show that was on while I was working out.  The commercial was for an organization called the Children's Rehabilitation Foundation and it was advertising their annual Crusin' Down the Crescent event.  It helps to raise funds which provide children with disabilities with services that enable them to live with independence and ability in their own homes, schools and communities.  It's a great organization.  At the end of the commercial the narrator said, "You can make a difference!".  L turned and looked me in the eye and said, "I can make a difference?" My heart instantly melted as I told her that yes, she could make a difference and then proceeded to tell her what the event was and what the money was for.  I asked if she wanted to participate and without hesitation she agreed.  Over the next few weeks she raised $150 and began to get very excited about the event.  The day of the event was a nice warm Sunday morning.  Our whole family decided to participate together.  L rode her bike, my hubby put on his running shoes to chase her, and I (and baby bump) pushed T in the stroller.  When we arrived L got a t-shirt to wear and there were activities and games for the kids before the opening ceremonies.  When the walk began L was very excited to begin with the huge crowd.  Along the route they had performers singing and playing musical instruments, water stations, snacks being handed out, and (thankfully for me!) porta-potties.  I only had to stop three times all morning to pee ;)  About 20 minutes into our cruise L looked at me with a big grin and said, "I never knew it would be THIS much fun!"


We never did check to see how long this cruise was (I cannot figure out why) and we eventually realized it was 10kms long!  Lucky for us 10km was the goal (5 to the destination and 5 back) and people were encouraged to do just as much as they could.  I was VERY proud of our little troupers, they made it 9km!  L biked pretty much the entire way with about a 1km ride in the stroller and T was very content in the stroller but he ran about the last 3 or 4kms.  When we arrived at the finish line there was a group of people waiting with bells and whistles (literally) cheering for us.  We arrived on our own (not with a larger group of participants) and L was in awe that all these people were cheering just for her.  They gave her high fives and a big goody bag.  I don't know that I have ever seen her smile like that before.  She was so proud of herself.  I was so glad that I was wearing sunglasses because I was in tears watching my little girl so proud of herself for making a difference.

Ready to Make a Difference!

L was thrilled that the street was shut down the vehicles so she could ride her bike as fast as she wanted.

It wouldn't be a complete day if we didn't stop to pick some dandelions.

T was so excited to get out of his stroller.

Arriving at the finish line after 9kms!

Feeling pretty good about finishing.

All done for this year but I'm sure we will be back again next year!

It's OK, right?

Well, I am 32 weeks into this pregnancy and I think I've been doing pretty well so far.  I've re-done our kitchen, I've been the fundraising coordinator for L's preschool, I'm still coordinating our WM group at church, and I'm still working out four times a week.  I'm determined to not be a wuss this time around like I was with the other two.  When I was pregnant with L there were several complications throughout my pregnancy so I was very hesitant to do anything.  With T things went really well and I was much more relaxed during those nine months but I really let myself be lazy (I am still wearing at least 10lbs from that pregnancy).  This time around I am very relaxed about the health of our baby and I've been feeling pretty good.  I don't know if I feel so much better than my other pregnancies or if with two kids running around I have no choice but to feel good and go on with life.  However, in the last few days things have been changing a bit.  I'm exhausted.  I wake up after sleeping all night and I'm still tired.  This morning the weather was beautiful, my kids woke up happy, and I fell asleep on the couch until almost 10:00am.  By the time I got up, fed the kids, had a shower, the morning was almost over.  With such a short summer I feel the need to enjoy every single moment of summer and missing an entire morning filled me with a lot of guilt.  But then I thought about it for a while.  It's ok to have a morning every now and then where I'm too tired to do anything, right?  My kids were happy to play in the family room while I napped and they never asked to go outside and didn't even seem to notice that they missed a morning outside.  So, I think I need to let the guilt go because I have a sneaking suspicion that this will not be the last of these types of mornings.

Going Crazy

I fear that I may be going a little.....er.......a lot crazy.  This pregnancy seems to be sending me over the edge from time to time.  When I was young and pregnant with L I managed to keep my emotional state stable despite some rather scary circumstances.  I also managed to keep my wits about me when I was pregnant with T but this baby is making me crazy..... or maybe it's the other two who are making me crazy and I'm just assuming that it's this baby ;)  Have you ever found yourself super upset about something and getting super upset with your spouse and the entire time you have a running commentary through your head saying, "Why am I so upset?  This really isn't a big deal?  Stop being so upset?  Why isn't he telling me to snap out of this??"  My poor husband has to deal with me like this on a weekly basis.  Bless his patient heart!  I had a little....um....well.... I guess we could call it an episode on Sunday.  I burst into tears over something, I'm not even sure what and my husband responded by planning a date night for us on Tuesday.  My mom even surprised us by keeping the kids overnight so I could have a little time in the afternoon and the next morning to myself.  I'm not sure if my dear hubby mentioned my craziness to her but I sure do appreciate what both of them did this week.  I am going to attempt to get a little more sleep in the next few weeks and go out in the evenings for some time to myself (calling all my wonderful girlfriends, let's go out!) to try and keep the craziness at bay before I drive my poor husband to the loony bin.  Oh pregnancy, why art thou so unhinged. lol. Off to bed I go ;)

Let the Sharing Begin

Well, it may be that time.... time for the kiddos to start sharing a room.  I will admit that I have been dreading this.  One is a wonderful sleeper but the other is not so good.  Because T just turned two I was hesitant to get bunk beds so we decided to go with two low profile beds.  I picked them out months ago and then dragged hubby to IKEA to pick them up.  Hubby spent a Sunday afternoon assembling one of the beds with two little "helpers".  Once the first bed was assembled we quickly realised that two beds were not going to work in that bedroom.  Once both were in there would only be about 6 inches between the beds.  Hmmmm, not exactly ideal.... or functional.  So, my poor hubby had to dis-assemble and drag the beds all the way back to the store.  Poor guy spent the entire day dealing with those beds with nothing to show for it. 

After that little "episode" I finally admitted that bunk beds may be our best option.  So, off to the store we went.  After looking around we found an amazing deal on a nice set of bunk beds that also split apart to become two separate beds.  So, each kid got a new bed in their room.  Here's my theory: we will teach T to sleep in his bed before we move him in with L so that neither kid will lose sleep.  Well, that theory is seriously being tested and not holding up very well.  It's been two months and T is still not staying in bed very well.  Bedtime lasts two to three hours every night.... for the last two months! Ahhhhh.  The strange thing is that nap time is going fine.  Why are kids so weird??  When he does sleep, he is sooooo adorable in his bed.  He looks like the sweetest littlest boy. (insert heart melting here).


The last week seems to have marked a turnaround in T's bedtime.  After we read him stories and give him cuddles in his rocking chair we put him in his bed and leave the room.  He then calls for us for about 10 minutes before he simply goes quiet.  When we check on him later he is never in his bed!  I found him curled up on his rocking chair once, then we found him on top of his baby gate and now we have been finding him on the floor.  When we find him we put him in his bed and he usually sleeps the entire night except for one time when he woke up and went back to the floor!

So, we have a new theory now.  Maybe sharing L's room will make him feel safe and secure enough to sleep soundly in his bed.... at least, that's the theory.  If you know me you have probably noticed that I need to re-decorate a room any time things change.  I have planned the kids new room out, bought all the bits and pieces to put it all together.  So, now I just have to find the time and motivation........